Unforgivable: Calum Hood Fanfiction

November

                Those years had been the best of my life.

            I was sheltered away for months, away from all of my lively happiness, trapped in some ghastly hospital from trying but failing to give into my darker dreams. I returned home, but things only got worse. My heart fell into the pit of my stomach as I looked up from my locker to find the hands that once locked with mine, strung between the manicured, perfect-looking hands of another. You walked down the hallway showing off your million dollar smile, laughing with the beautiful girl next to you. God, she was beautiful. Everyone could see how perfect she was, so much better than I could ever give you. But that didn’t stop me from loving you. Our eyes met for a second, and I could have sworn I saw a glint of hurt and sorrow in them as we briefly connected, but it faded away as soon as it had come. Who knows, I’m just the mentally unstable loser who tried to kill herself, it could have just been my mind playing tricks on me.

                I didn’t see you much after that, from our customized schedules and my elaborate attempts to not run into you. It was boring and lonely, and the hatred for myself never left.

                Then one day, you and your beauty stopped walking together in the halls between classes. And then you didn’t show up to school anymore. Rumors arose about what had happened to the popular jock who could do no wrong. I ignored it, as I did most things, and muddled through my senior year.

                Many years later, I had been successfully getting through my education and went onto a rising career as a dancer. I was living comfortably in New York City, trying my best to ignore the negative, demonic voice in the back of my head that was too at home to leave. Reminding me of what I had done wrong, what I said, what mistakes I made. You were one of them.

                   And after all of that progress I made, it all came crashing down when you pulled me into that alleyway. You may not have known it was me, but I recognized you immediately.

                      You held me against a wall, threatening me for money. Your voice was always one of a kind.

                    You heard me say before all the things about hating myself, hating everything about me, about wanting to just end it all. But I didn’t need worry anymore.

                You did it for me, that cool night in November.