I'm So Into You

In Your Head

Josiah could feel Brett's fingers softly skimming the tight waves on top of his head as she traced a path from his temple to the base of his neck with one hand while she pulled his hips deeper into her with the other. He felt her hard nipples pressing against his chest, grabbing her as tight to him as he could. Her breath was warm and uneven against his neck as he reached down to gently part her knees, running the back of his hand up the inside of her soft thigh. He was so high off of being this close to her and feeling the heat between her legs from being so close to him that he swore he could feel himself vibrating.

He was vibrating. Or rather his phone, tucked between his two pillows, was gently vibrating him awake. He opened his eyes slowly, half-expecting Brett would be there when he opened them, but knowing she woudn't be. He swiped open his phone to the last thing he'd been looking at before bed — her Twitter profile. Josiah quickly tapped away from his browser and put his favorite news podcast onto his home's Bluetooth sound system, rubbing his eyes and grabbing for his silk robe. Plodding to the shower in the master bedroom of the team's apartment, he shook is head vigorously, attempting to reset his brain, like an etch-a-sketch. No more obsessing over girls, no more blurring the professional and the personal, and no more sex dreams about Brett.

Being newly single and being plunged into this new city was really throwing him for a loop and he needed to get a grip and concentrate on the game, not some politics writer who he probably wouldn't see again after she ran this story in a few weeks and was done playing sports reporter. Especially when he was fresh off a breakup with his high school sweetheart Eve. It was amicable mostly — she'd been supportive until she couldn't be, she put off having babies, and she made do without a permanent place to live. As she put it, "WAG shit."

Josiah kept saying no to contract offers in the high double digit millions, knowing he was only a season or two away from cementing himself as an all-timer and a crucial part of a team who would be worth more. He didn't want to settle with his future and legacy on the line. He knew he'd regret it if he didn't bet on himself.

They were 27 now and Eve said she'd felt like she was still waiting for her life to start, following him to Georgia for college and then to Detroit, Oakland, Philadelphia, and Miami. He had never asked her to — how do you ask someone to give up their family, their circle of friends, a stable career? But he had liked that she was willing to be the constant in his life. New arenas, new jerseys, new commutes, new trainers, but always the same girl sitting at the counter in her sweats with his favorite fresh-pressed grapefruit turmeric juice waiting to hear about practice. He didn't blame her for her choice, nor did he feel betrayed or unsupported. He was just...sad.

Eight years is a long time to be in someone's life and you get used to having a shared history and someone who knows roughly a third of your life like the back of their own hand. He missed the little things most. Like texting her when he saw a goat because it reminded him of the time they went for a sunset drive and ended up being chased by a goat who'd escaped from a nearby farm, laughing their heads off the entire time. He got used to that grapefruit turmeric juice; seeing Eve's bedside light on, dimmed, as their code to make sure he knew to wake her when his red-eye landed after a too-long stint on the road. He already missed hearing Eve's favorite Sade song drifting down the hallway with the smell of pancakes on game day; the spicy warmth of the body wash she kept in the shower after scoffing at his Axe; the way her hand rested on his shoulder while he slept.

As he rinsed the soap off of his shoulders under the hot water, Josiah told himself he wasn't really into Brett after all, his brain just needed someone to put all of these feelings onto and she was the first person who'd awoken something in him here. She was beautiful and an incredible conversationalist, but lots of girls were pretty and she made conversation for a living. It made sense that he'd think he was attracted to her and that his brain took all of those redundant relationship feelings and put them onto Brett. He towelled off, ordered his favorite breakfast to pick up on the way to the gym, and slipped into his training clothes. Josiah slipped his headphones over his ears and pressed play on a guided breathwork recording. He had a big job ahead of him this season and he couldn't slip up just because he was going through a breakup or just because he met a cute girl.