Title: Drunk
Pairing: Peter Parker x Dead!Reader
Warnings: Angst, death, PTSD
Word Count: 795
Based on the song Drunk by Ed Sheeran. Here is the link to the lyric video:
What didn't kill me, it never made me stronger at all.
Peter Parker sat at the edge of his bed, clutching a photo frame in his hands. Uncontrolled sobs spilled out of him. Teardrops landed on the glass, which he didn't bother to wipe away. He grabbed tissue after tissue out of the box next to him until it was empty and eventually throwing them hard on the ground. He stared down at the scene captured in a still moment before him.
It was a photo of you and him, with you beaming brightly at the camera while he kissed you on the cheek. His arm was thrown lazily around your shoulder and your hands were locked together. He remembered the day the photo was taken. It was the day you had finally become an Avenger. Even though Peter had wanted the victory for himself, he couldn't stop himself from being so proud of you.
He set the photo down on his bed and buried his face in his hands. How could he had been so stupid? How could he just let you get killed? It was all his fault that you could never come back. He could have prevented it. If only he'd taken the hit instead...
I'm sat here wishing I was sober.
Peter sat in the empty bar, gripping his drink so tightly his knuckles turned white. He downed drink after drink, just wanting to numb the pain of losing the love of his life. People shot sympathetic looks at him, but he knew they couldn't understand what he was going through. The mere thought of you ripped his heart out of his chest.
I know I'll never hold you like I used to.
He paid for his drinks, walked out of the bar and strolled down the street, hands shoved in his pockets. He refused to look around at the couples around him. They were happy. Smiling. In love. Alive.
It was unfair how cruel this world was. First, his parents. Then, his Uncle Ben and Tony Stark. He never thought he could lose you too.
Peter remembered the lazy nights you spent together, curled up on the couch. He remembered laughing with you and crying with you. Most of all, he remembered holding you in his arms, knowing he'd be able to protect you forever.
He let out a hollow laugh at the memory. How could he have been so naive?
Without you to hold I'll be freezing.
It was late at night when the nightmares struck. The second he closed his eyes, he was suddenly thrown back in time to the day of your death.
"Don't worry, she's got help," Peter heard the Scarlet Witch and Okoye reassure. He saw himself clutching the Infinity Gauntlet to his chest. He saw you run up to join the other women Avengers, looking strong and confident. He remembered thinking, Y/N's got this.
Oh, how wrong he was.
At first, it looked like you were winning. But unexpectedly, the creature you were fighting threw you into a nearby rock. You stumbled and hit your head, blood pooling underneath you.
"Y/N!" Peter heard his own voice scream. He saw himself rush over to you and hold you close to his chest. He was too late. Your pulse slowed. You gazed at him with a sad gaze before your eyes closed and you exhaled your last breath.
"Don't leave me!" He felt helpless and furious as he let out a heartbreaking scream. It should've been him, it should've been him...
"Stay with me, Y/N, please, please, please, I can't survive without you, Y/N, please..." he sobbed as he laid his head on your chest. The other Avengers circled around you both, heads bowed. It was no use. You were gone. Peter clutched your lifeless body in his arms as he held you one last time.
Peter woke up in a cold sweat, shivering. He didn't think the nightmares would ever stop.
I'll be drunk again to feel a little love.
Peter Parker didn't want anyone else. He never wanted to love again. He couldn't. You were the love of his life and you would always be the love of his life. You were irreplaceable.
Every night as he swung around the city, he swore to uphold your honor by doing his best to protect the city. He couldn't save you, so he saved everyone else. He knew you were still here with him. Even though there were nights where he got drunk to forget the pain, he knew deep down that you would never truly leave him. It was only a matter of time before he saw you again, and until then, he would stay loyal to you and only you.
