Unbreakable

Was it really him ?

I still  can't believe I saw Jordan, but how is this possible? He is dead he died i watched him die.

It's been a day already since this all happened. I haven't left my room since after I saw his face I stopped running and fell on the floor.

I walked home I could come pick up my car another day right now I need to clear my head and think about what just happens and what this means.

The day I watched Jordan die was the worst thing I have ever experienced. After that day I was never the same.

I became more closed off and I shut myself in my room. I had just lost my other half I felt shattered, broken and I felt like a huge part of me was missing.

With time I finally started to accept that he was gone but I never forgot him. Never !

When I saw him all the memories came rushing back to my head all the memories we had together all, all the happy moments we had but also the least happy ones too.

We used to be so happy. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. He used to make me feel safe and loved and I always knew I could trust him with my life. But the day i found out that he died the day i saw him die right in front of me, it changed me completely!

i have never been the same girl i was before i lost him.

i have grown darker and more distant and i have been more antisocial with people. i hate just walking up to people and talking to them for hours. i hate it because that's not who i used to be.

i used to be more bubbly. i loved meeting new people and getting to know them. i loved stating conversations and talking to people through endless nights.

But now ever since my happiness was ripped out of me i have never been able to be the same old Victoria everyone used to love being around.

If that was him does this change anything?

Should it change anything?

No it won't change anything if he lied to me for this long then I  will hate him! I will never want to speak to him again if he lied to me. If he claimed that he loved me then he wouldn't lie to me for 2 years, he wouldn't make me think he was dead for 3 years.

How can anyone who they say they love someone do that to them? Does this mean that he never loved me? Was he just using me to get somewhere?

My mind is racing all over the place do I have compassion for  him or do I have hatred towards him?

My mind is full of questions with no answers to them.

Why does this always happen to me all I wanted was to have a normal life. I just was to live a normal life like everyone else does, I want to go to school and have a normal life and have a normal love life and most importantly I want to have a normal family. I want a family that doesn't think that killing someone is right or fun.

What do I have to do around here to get a normal life?

~ring~

Speaking of the devil I got a text from Michael. I don't know if I want to talk to him right now. i need to get my head sorted. If that really was Jordan then I don't know how things are gonna be between me and Michael, but I don't want to hurt him, especially with what he is going through right now. hurting him right now is the last thing I want to do right now.

Why is he texting me now ?

He is probably going to tell me he doesn't want to see me ever again because we are family enemies.

No matter what I do I will never have a normal life. The gang life will always follow me everywhere and it will always ruin my life!

I didn't choose this life!

I don't want this life!