3. Family (A TFP Fanfiction)

Chapter 3

Taylor

My entire body was shivering violently, for a couple different reasons. My spark felt like it was on fire, but like it was freezing at the same time. Because of this, my body had been shot into a feverish state, shivering, cold and hot at the same time, and there was an occasional nausea. My vision would get hazy and then super sensitive, the small light in the room suddenly as bright as the sun on a hot summer day. My spark chamber would sometimes involuntarily open and close, like it was reaching out for something. Or trying to reject something. Often times it felt like it was trying to pull itself out. I understood what Shockwave had meant when he said the spark was tainted. It was dying.

Which probably meant that I was dying as well.

I was terrified.

There was also another good reason to be terrified. The entire building that Megatron had created was collapsing on itself. I could feel the explosions and shaking and groaning of the structure. Tears had long filled my eyes and fallen down out of pure fear. That seemed like the emotion I could feel and recognize anymore. Terror, fright. As dust fell from the high ceiling above me and I covered my head for the next ten minutes, I sobbed without sound into my legs, my knees bent at my forehead. Squeezing my eyes shut, my chest tightened as horrible thoughts began to fill my head once more. 

You are going to die here.

No one will care.

Not the Autobots.

Not your friends.

Not even Ratchet.

They have all abandoned you, just like everyone else did before.

You are a freak. 

You aren't human, you aren't Cybertronian.

You are just disgusting.

Which means no one will take you back. 

So just die here. 

As the building shook and swayed again, sending me off balance and fumbling around, I screamed loudly and shook my head. I didn't want to believe that. Ratchet would try to save me, wouldn't he? He knew I was afraid... right? Another crash tumbled across the structure just as I tried to stand up, sending me falling and rolling across the cold metal floor. Pain flew up my body and I grit my teeth, groaning sharply as I pressured my arms against the floor to try and steady myself. 

This was crazy.

What on earth was happening?!

I was going to die!

I forced myself to sit up again, leaning against the wall despite the agony it sent up my muscles. I clenched my teeth harder as I hissed and closed my eyes again, the tears falling more and more. My hands turned into fists, and for a moment, I wanted to end it right then and there. This was too much. The agony of pain, knowing I was dying, unsure whether anyone would come to save me, knowing that I was so different and not wanting to be. I wanted to crush my own neck, crush my own head, do something that would make it all go away.

I just wanted to see her again. The one person I knew still loved me. 

Maybe I could join her in death. 

Maybe then I would be happy.

Maybe then I would be free.

I wouldn't really realize how grateful I was for this action until later, until I really realized just how far I had been willing to go. Just as those thoughts seemed to be the only thing that swarmed my mind, I heard a loud crash against the door. Out of terror, I had flung my eyes open, huddling against the wall as the banging continued, getting harder and harder as the seconds flew by. I screamed as the door finally gave and flew across the room, landing only a few feet away from me to my left. My eyes were wide and both my heart and spark were beating violently against my chest by a mile a millisecond. My breath came out as heavy gasps, my body nearly going into a panic attack as I saw a sky blue and red mech barge into the room, hard optics scanning around quickly before they settled on me. He perked up a little when he saw me and hurriedly rushed over, which only frightened me more. I had had enough of these aliens messing with me and poking me and doing things to me and hurting me...