The sun beat down upon his head with a ferocity that matched the onslaught of emotions in his heart. But the scorching heat went entirely unnoticed by Abir as he sat precariously perched at the edge of the bus, swaying alarmingly with the rickety vehicle as it bumped over rocks and dipped into ruts. The jerky journey also went unnoticed. Buffeted by the fates at this point, he found himself unable to feel much. It was a new experience for him, accustomed as he was to being led by his heart, driven by his emotions, to suddenly feel numb, unable to take in, assimilate anything new. It was telling that his camera had not been used even once during this 15 day long self imposed exile that he had taken on.
Exile! That had been the only way for Abir to deal with the almost physical pain of staying away from her. He knew it would not have been any easier if he had mooted the idea himself but he could not deny that the fact that it was SHE who wanted made it even more agonizing.
His exile had not been the result of Nanko's ridiculous barter- I will stay away from Shweta, if You stay away from Mishti.
No! He had not even taken that seriously. He had just walked away from him without trusting himself to answer his younger brother calmly at the moment. And he had run right into Mishti standing outside the doorway, her expression telling him that she had heard the conversation and the 'ultimatum'.
She had not given him a chance to speak at all, to tell her that he was going to ignore Kunal completely and so should she. Instead she had chimed in with Nanko.
Truth be told, Abir understood where she was coming from. He really did. Bade Papa had strictly forbidden the girls from having any connection with his family. Could he blame Bade Papa for that? Not at all. Could he blame Mishti for wanting NOT to hurt the man who had ALWAYS stood by her, nurtured her, helped her find her identity? No, he understood she HAD to do it.
But did any of it stop Abir from feeling like she had stabbed him through the heart with a serrated knife and then for good measure twisted it? NO! That was how he had felt when he, disbelievingly, heard her say "Abir, I can't work here anymore. I think we will hurt our families too much if we continue to meet right now. No one from your family wants this, no one from mine does either. Let's not make things difficult for everyone right now, Abir. You understand, don't you?" she had asked him beseechingly. And then reading his answer in his expressive eyes, she had walked away, knowing that she would not be able to go on with this if he articulated his 'NO'!
Her resignation letter had arrived that same day by courier and a text "I am sorry, Abir. We have to do this for now. But I am sure our friendship will survive this storm too. Please understand".
The friendship might weather the storm but what about his love? Abir's heart could not get over the fact that she had made the decision to stay away so easily when it was inconceivable to him to actually seriously consider doing it even for his beloved Nanko.
He had just sat there in the NGO staring at her text for a long time, while doubts crept into his mind. It was HE who had made up his mind that Mishti too had feelings for him. She had never given him any reason to think so, any indication that she thought of him as anything more than her best friend. Had he just convinced himself that she just didn't realize YET?
Was HE wrong about it all?? Had he read her wrong right from the beginning because he had been blinded by his desperate need to read a similar yearning in her eyes for him? The thought that he may have been wrong in believing Mishti might at some point fall in love with him was too much for Abir to handle. The possibility sucked the air out of his lungs, leaving him feeling claustrophobic in his brightly lit, airy room at the NGO.
