To All The Girls I've Loved Before

For Melanie,

We met in art class, in middle school. Which doesn't seem serious at all and really it wasn't...to an extent. But it definitely played a big role in my life to who I am now. I had seen you and caught an interest in you, I don't know exactly why. I hadn't felt that way with anyone else before, but you sparked something in my mind.

She seemed kinda nerdy, but not in a bad way, just a little reserved. She wore glasses, always had her hair straightened or up in a neat ponytail, messy on some days. She wore the simplest outfits just jeans, a shirt, and a thin jacket. She seemed to blend in with everyone but to me she stood out with her brown hair and brown eyes.

I remember how nervous I was. How I had never been attracted to girls or even thought of dating one. It was something brand new that i was taught that was wrong. I still wasn't even sure. I took forever to try and talk to you, but in the end it worked out alright.

We hadn't dated for long, but I'll never forget how you helped me find out myself a little more that year.

You weren't my first love, but there was still love I had for you. Maybe not as deeply rooted, but I still cared for you dearly. I wish I could tell you I'm sorry for the way things had ended and although you now have probably forgotten it, it still caused you pain in that time. I'm sorry for leaving you with no explanation. I was scared. I was confused and trying to figure myself out. You were something new to me. You weren't perfect, but nobody is. You hid things from me but I understand more now and feel more forgiving although it's way to late. You were going through a rough spot and now that I'm older I understand why things were the way they were. I've learned everything happens for a reason. I hope that your in a better place now. I hope you found  some peace in your life.

I do still think about you from time to time. I wonder how your doing and if your ok. You had changed my life a lot in a way. Now looking back on it we were young dumb kids and if we had the chance to sit down and reminisce on it we'd probably laugh at ourselves.

I don't really know what we were. If we were just being kids and trying something knew. All I know now is that it taught me some things about myself. Not everything, but some...

If you ever read this I want you to know,

I love you...

I never told you that. I regret it now because it was a time you needed someone to say it the most. I don't think you had a lot of people in your life to let you know that your loved, but you are. Wherever you are just know I'm thinking about you.