Living in the Shadow of Another Day

The Decision

Walking through the damp alleys was surprisingly calming for young Matthew.  Knowing the rain was over and that the sun would be coming out gave him a feeling of hope. Sadly, good weather could do nothing to enlighten the mood of him. All of his thoughts were trained on his mother. How would he get a job?..What if he was rejected?..What if she died?..What if?...Thoughts came haunting his mind for what felt like ages. Memories being used to trick him into feeling even worse. His mind was torture. Pure torture. 

Matthew let a hand run through his light brown wavy hair. His freckles seemed to make some of his curls stick out. All the time. He stopped pushing his hair back because the curls sticking out was always routine. He was just looking for anything to take his mind off his thoughts. So....he let his eyes wander and wander they did. They fell onto of a poster. Matthew studied it for a moment, taking in what his eyes had led him too. 

It was a group of soldiers with a determined look on each of their faces. Strong, bold, and fearless were the words to describe them. It seemed like they would wear those words as a badge of honor. These men were everything that he wasn't. Hell, he would run from his own shadow if given the chance.  The more he stared at the poster, the more thoughts popped into him. Until finally, there was only one thought. 

This thought made the world stop for just one second. It seemed like everything had just slowed down enough for him to process the words his own mind had suggested. Can I join the army?

Pure shock. He didn't know how to react. To laugh at even the thought of him being a soldier?..To look into the idea more?..To be horrified at the thought of his own brain suggesting that?...

He finally calmed down. Matthew began to think..Join the army?..Maybe that could work..

An idea drifted into his head. It was either a good idea or a bad one depending on how you look at it.  This idea would change his young life in a matter of seconds. Matthew finally agreed to go with it.

He raced home with pure speed coming through him. Joy filled him as he realized what this meant. He quickly opened the door to find his surprised mother.

"Matthew what is the hurry?..Calm dow-"

"I got a job!"He screamed. A smile was present on his face that no one could ever take away. It was a look of knowing that his mom would be okay. His mother had a small smile at her son's success. Then guilt hit him..He would need to leave..but..how could he hide it?...and to lie to his mother?..

His smile faded a little. His mother noticed this and gave a concerned look.

"What's wrong?.."she asked. "I-It's an o-out of s-state job,"He answered. Her smile dropped in shock. "But honey..you really don't need to do that..I told you I'm fine,"She replied. His face was one of sadness.

"M-mom..b-be honest..you are getting w-worse..I can't s-stand to see you s-suffer. Please..I j-just want to make s-sure that you are okay. I'll d-do anything just t-to make s-sure you are a-alright. T-this job c-can pay really w-well. It'll provide enough for m-medication. M-mom, y-you are an amazing women to me so let m-me pay you back for it..Please,"He begged. He eyes were getting teary as he looked at her waiting for a response.

She stood there silent with tears down her face. She stared at him for what felt like forever. She finally let out a sigh. "You will write to me ever chance you get. Do you understand that, young man?.."She demanded. A sad smile returned to his face.

He walked up to her and just hugged her. Matthew, for just a moment, wanted to never let go of her. But, he knew better than that. They hugged and held each other close for what seemed like ages. Until he finally stood up. 

"...I'll start packing your things..until then...you can go work out the details with your boss,"His mom stated trying not to cry. 

He let off one nod and a sad smile to her. Matthew didn't have anything else to say. 

"Hey mom?.."He questioned.

"Yes honey?.."His mom responded.

"I love you.."He reassured. A smile formed onto her face.

"I love you too.."She mumbled barely able to hold back tears.

With that settled, he left the house with the door closing behind him. He knew the one place he would go to. The conscription office.