escape | ethan dolan

kiss & make up • 20

The next thing I know, I'm crying hysterically. Literally all I ever do is cry anymore. 

I missed his voice. I missed his presence. I missed his face. I missed him. I miss how it used to be. Not the lies and the secrets, but I miss when he came into my room to talk to me late at night, I miss his smile and how excited he got when I agreed to go to the party. I miss how caring he was towards me, and how understanding he was when I told him my story.

I can't ever get those moments back. No matter how hard I try he will always associate me with his brother's coma. He will always know deep down that I'm the one who caused this. I'm the one who out his brother in a coma. It's all my fault. 

"Stop," Ethan comes next to me and sits down. His voice softens, but it's still got a stern tone to it. "I don't want you to cry." 

I try to collect myself before I say anything. It doesn't work much. "Ethan," I sniffle. "I miss you. I don't want you to hate me. You know I never meant for any of this to happen," He opens his mouth like he's about to say something but I stop him. He runs his hands through his hair anxiously. "Wait, let me finish. I made a horrible mistake. It's one that I'll regret for the rest of my life," I wipe the tears from my cheeks. "Please don't hate me," I whisper and look directly at him. He looks back. 

"I don't..." He hesitates which makes me uneasy. "I don't hate you. I'm just trying to figure all this out. I'm confused." 

"Confused?" I say puzzled. 

"Well, yeah," He says flatly. "I really liked you." Ouch. "Liked".  "But when all of this happened I just shut all of my feelings off. Besides sadness, really," Ethan rubs his eyes. "I, um... I still like you." 

"Oh," I blush. Like hardcore. "I like you too." Omg. "I have for a while," I pause awkwardly. "I was so upset when you stopped coming to visit."

"I'm sorry. I was angry. I needed time to get my emotions together." He admits. He looks so drained, it pains me to think that he's been losing sleep. "How are you feeling?" Ethan scoots closer and grabs my hand gently. Just like in the dream. 

"I've been better. But I just feel so empty," I picture Chloe running around and dancing in my head. She deserved so much better than the life she lived. "Chloe's gone," I spurt out to Ethan, trying not to cry again. 

"Oh no, Harlowe, I'm so sorry," Ethan frowns and squeezes my hand tighter. "I know she meant a lot to you." 

"She was so carefree. I just wish she was given a better life," I sigh and look down at my hand, which Ethan was still holding. I'm holding hands with Ethan Dolan. When I look up, his eyes are looking right at mine. Our lips are practically touching.

"Can I kiss you?" Ethan asks, his gaze shifting back and forth between my eyes and my mouth. I'm so concentrated on what's to come next that I don't even answer his question- I just crash my lips into his. 

We both begin to breathe heavily and he cradles my head with his hand. I let go of his other hand and grab onto his hair with both of my hands. His hair feels so soft. 

My eyes start to tear up, but this time it's out of happiness. I've been waiting to feel this again for so long. 

I guess he can feel the tears because he backs away and rubs under my eyes, wiping them away. I smile lightly at him. I don't know what to say. 

"Harlowe I-" Ethan begins but is cut off by a nurse coming in. She looks like she's been running. 

"Ethan, come quick," The woman says exasperated. 

Ethan backs away from me and stands up frantically. "What's wrong?"

She smiles. "Grayson woke up." 

~~~

ok i know this was a shorter chapter but usually i write pretty long ones so i think it's a good change. anywaysss i wanted this moment between harlowe and ethan to really be special and i think it turned out really good :)