Maya, maybe

a new view

Mayas P.O.V:
"Huh." I said out of full confusion but also realization
"I know, a-and I'm sorry I didnt mean to like you and I-I tried to stop but I just couldnt and and I'm so sorry I guess I'll just go die in a hole now because I know you wont-" "riley" "me back and I dont want to lose you as my best friend because of this but I know I probably will and I just-" "riley" "you to know that I dont blame you for hating me but I just I'm sorr-" "RILEY" "what?" "I dont hate you" "what, really?" "Of course not, and I dont blame you for anything" "you dont?" "No not at all. I mean how could I? Your like my favorite person of all time." "Oh my god thank you, dr.phil,Oprah,gale,jesus, big bird, I love you all" "umm did you say big bird and jesus?" "Yeah...all the people I prayed to hoping that it would go okay when I told you" "wow I didnt know telling myself was so important it needed both oprah AND gale" "oh and glarbs other head" "why his other head?" "Because he seems more like a listener than a talker" "oh, hey riley?" "Yes?" "Umm when lucas asked me on this purely platonic friend date he said um and I quote, "can I like you?", does that have something to do with this?" I wanted to see if he was asking because of how riley feels or if it was  something else "umm yeah, maybe I guess I mean when he found out and I confessed, well more like denied while very platonically talking you up and staring intently at you, he said that he thought I might have a chance, umm, with you, and he said that he wanted to see how loyal you were to me, no matter that circumstance," "he did?,what does that even mean?" "Uhhh, yeah he did, what he meant was, well he didnt tell me before but I get it now, it was that if hes taking you on this friend date it's to see of you'll turn him down because of me even if you dont know I'm a lesbian, he's testing you to see how much you care about me and my feelings" she seemed like she just figured out the meaning of the universe. Did lucas really not tell her his plan? I mean she did seem pretty bothered earlier like she might have felt like he was doing the opposite of helping her.why did she have to do this to me now though, why couldn't she have been helped to understand this a while ago, because yes I never stopped loving her but when I first did love her unplatonically I thought I had no shot...unless she did understand...in that case why didnt she just tell me, I mean, I get it I guess, it's super hard to just say that especially to the person you like who you dont know how they'll react. I really thought Lucas would take my mind off of her though,ugh this just got easy and now I'm making it hard." Riley, did he say anything to you about this friends date?" "Nope, not at all, he said all of that but nothing about what he was actually gonna do, I have to say though I was kind of upset, not really mad, but definitely upset that he just decided to do that when he knew that I liked you, but then it just hit me and now I think im fine" "hey why haven't you asked about my feelings yet, towards you, towards lucas, anything? It's really not like you to do that you know not ask?" "Oh, please I found your journal a long time ago," "my what?" "Yeah how does that one page go?, oh riley your eyes are like my favorite glass of chocolate milk that your mom made for us this summer" where did she find that? I needed to ask"umm where did you," "your cheeks are colored like those tasty strawberries we had yesterday and now I want strawberries" "how did you?" "YOUr face I decided is what they look at to make the most beautiful pictures, I mean paintings, in museums, it's like they took an actual angel from the sky and gave her to me by accident but I dont care because they cant have her back because she is mine now an-" "okay I get it you somehow found it and memorised it" "if course I did it's all nice stuff you thought about me when we were 10" "okay well actually it was 11 and I mean a month or two before I was 11 but whatever it doesnt even matter because its true"i mean it was, why do I need to lie? "But, maya there was one thing I noticed" "what?" "The last entry.. it seems sad, you said,"I think riley has a pretty face but theres a guy..i flirted with him on the subway because she saw him and freaked out, I dont know if its serious or not but she clearly likes him and I cant keep complimenting her secretly anymore, it's too much for me to see her act that way around him so I'm going to try to stop, I cant do this anymore if it's never going to happen and I need to follow everyone else, I'll try and see what shes so in love with in this cowboy and try and like guys like him too...goodbye forever,maya..."I want to know why you wrote that" "and I want to tell you, but, riley?" "Yes?" "That's not the last entry" "what, theres more?" "One more, it says,"hi, I know I said I'd stop but it's the semi formal this week and riley has ended up saying yes to Charlie and not lucas, maybe she doesn't see something in lucas anymore great, now I have to try to like guys like Charlie.okay, i need to say it right now,one more, just one more one last time and I'll stop, riley's dress for the semi formal makes her glow like the sun, which is perfect, because the dress is yellow and she is the ray of sun in everyone we knows lives, even my moms which is funny because I know she loves me but riley is so much more positive than I am and we both know it, I wish my mom knew though how much I loved riley like this, i mean she knows I dont like guys of course but that's only because I express my hate for lucas so much(of course I dont mean it he is my friend, though I will never admit it) , when i finally told her she was relieved, it was strange but she said she was happy I finally told her, she already knew ,of course, but anyway, back to smiley, I mean riley,wait no, I mean smiley,she doesn't get it but I cant control it anymore, i like her and theres no two ways about it, I just feel so alone, but farkle helped with that, he wants me to tell her but if I do I'll go home and never leave my room again. Well thats all I have to say, goodbye for real this time..maya." so yeah that's basically my last entry" "maya..." "I cant do it anymore, riley" "what do you mean?" "Will you please be my girlfriend so that I can breath for a minute,please?" "Well I mean I wanted to ask you but if you beat me you beat me I guess" "so is that a yes?" "Of course you spoon" "oh my god I never thought that would be happening! Thank you big bird!"