mission thirty nine ~ eggsy unwin

put the pain away

a/n this is such a fucking bad story but I guess I'll continue for you guys hope I get points for loyalty ehajdefifodlk

--

The silence is deafening now that my cries of pain have subsided. Eggsy still clings to me like he thinks if he lets go I'll fall into pieces again, which could well happen, but considering what just happened there's not really any time left to waste feeling sorry for ourselves. 

"Eggsy." I say gently, my voice slightly hoarse. "Eggsy I need to go."

He pulls back slightly but still has his arms wrapped around me. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine, there are bigger things to worry about." 

I'm lying through my teeth. Of course I should be worrying about Valentine, but the one thought that keeps coming back into my head is I'm an orphan now, I have no parents, and it's not particularly comforting. Eggsy either fails to notice this discomfort or he figures best not to mention it because he nods and lets me go. I feel the absence of his touch instantly, where my skin was warm it is now cold. 

As I start out the door he follows behind me like a puppy. 

"Where are you headed? Do you want me to come with you?"

"I'm going to headquarters. They'll all be having a toast and I can't stomach that right now. I need to speak with Merlin."

"Do you want me to come?" He repeats. 

"No." I say curtly. 

He nods but still persists. "I can just keep you company if you want. So you don't feel so alone."

"I won't be alone because I'm going to see Merlin remember?"

I reach the front door and pull my jacket on swiftly, checking for any redness in my cheeks in the hall mirror and fixing my ruffled hair. Eggsy stands next to me dumbly, seeming to be trying to figure out how to convince me to let him accompany me. His sudden urge to be there for me and comfort me is out of character for him. It feels forced, like he's just trying to do the right thing. 

He grabs onto my wrist as I turn to the door to leave. "Wait. Look, I know you must be going through a lot right now, it's okay to be upset. You don't need to tough it out, I'm sure Merlin would understand if you wanted to take a day off to grieve, it's-"

"Stop it Eggsy." I pull my arm out of his grasp and glare at him. "I'm perfectly fine. I'm a Kingsman agent remember? I know a lot about grief and putting pain away for the sake of a mission. Merlin would agree with me. Valentine is still out there, his plan doesn't stop for my father's death, which means neither do I."

"Surely you can just-"

"No." I say shortly, suddenly annoyed with him.  "I'm the agent here, I know what I'm doing. Don't overstep Eggsy. Need I remind you that you are no longer a Kingsman trainee?"

He stares at me blankly; my words finally reaching him.

"Look, you can stay here for the night if you need to, but I have somewhere to be, goodbye Eggsy."

Before he can say anything I'm out the door and headed down the street, trying to let the cool city air wash away the heat that still remains on my face. 

---

"Merlin, Lancelot." I nod to them as I enter the room and head to take a seat beside them. 

We're in the debriefing room, just the three of us. I just missed the toast. 

Merlin immediately stands. "Y/N..."

"I'm fine." I wave him down as I sit. "What do we know about Valentine's plan?"