Uncharted Territory

Chapter 5

“You know you don’t have to do this, right?” Mama says, helping me carry boxes to the car. “Yes, Mama, I’m sure. If you don’t want to help me, I can go alone” “Now, I know you’ve just gone through some things but don’t get all snappy with me. I’m here to support you and help you through all of this.” “I know. I’m sorry. I’ve just been so on edge lately.” “You have every right to be, honey. You know, you never came by and picked up your Christmas presents. I have them in the car for you.” “I know. I just haven’t been in the mood. Having a wedding date just a few days before Christmas and then running out on it because your soon-to-be husband is sleeping with your brother doesn’t exactly make Christmas memorable, Mama.” “I’m sorry, you’re right” she sighs, helping me put the last of the wedding shower gifts into the back of my car. “I’m just glad that Jamir at least had the balls to spare me. Terrance was just going to marry me and keep fooling around with Jamir” “Yeah, but that still doesn’t make it right.” “No, it doesn’t” I reply, opening the driver’s side door. “Speaking of Jamir, have you heard from him?” “He’s called and left several messages but I haven’t responded. I’m not ready.” “Understood.” “Good, I’m glad you understand that I need time to process all of this. So are you sure that none of these people want their gifts back?” “I’m sure. Although, I still don’t understand why you’re taking them back to the store. You should keep them for yourself.” “I want no parts of Terrance, Mama. None…” Without saying another word, I get into my car and drive off, leaving my mother in my driveway. ↔. I drive to North Little Rock and stop by Bed, Bath, and Beyond; most of the gifts purchased came from here. “May I help you?” the guy at the counter asks. “Yes, I need to return these items” I reply, pulling a cart full of things up to the customer service counter. “Oh, you have quite a few things. Do you have receipts?” he asks me, as if I’ve stolen something. “Of course, I do. These were gifted to me at my wedding shower but I didn’t get married. I need to return them all. I don’t even necessarily care to have the money back. I just don’t want these things in my possession” I reply, pulling receipts from my purse. “Sure thing” he says, taking the receipts and starting the refund process. I fumble through my phone looking to see where else I’ll need to go before heading back home. “Robyn” a voice says. I turn. It’s Jamir. “I know what you’re about to say, but before you do just hear me out” Jamir says, coming closer to me. I step back with my hand up in a stopping motion. I don’t want to be touched. Honestly, I don’t want to talk to him. If I did, I would have answered a phone call or text message by now. “Fine, I’ll keep my distance. I want you to know that I never meant for things to happen the way they did.” I roll my eyes and turn back to the guy at the customer service booth. He refunds me for the items I’ve returned and I swiftly walk back to my car, hoping that Jamir won’t follow. “Robyn, STOP!” Jamir shouts, coming out of the store behind me. I stop. “Can we just talk for a minute? Let me take you to lunch.” “No, I’m good.” “Robyn!!” he grabs my arm. I snatch away and give him the nastiest look I’ve ever given anyone. ​“You know what, let’s talk about it now! Right here!” I shout, running up to him, meeting him face to face. “Let’s get in the car” he whispers to me, looking around at others in the parking lot. “Out of all the people in the world, you just had to pick my husband? Out of all the little gay boys and girls in the world that you could have had sexual contact with, why my husband” I say, increasingly raising my voice. “Robyn, I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to find out the way that you did” “It never should have been a thing, Jamir! Don’t you get it!?” “I just couldn’t let you marry him knowing the circumstances. To some extent, you have to understand that, right?” “No, what I do understand is that my brother and almost husband were getting it on behind my back! I totally get that! As far as I’m concerned, you only saved me from one thing.” Tired of talking, I walk away and grab the door handle to my car. “We kept it a secret because Terrance wasn’t ready to come out to everyone. He was ashamed to express his true self. I tried breaking stuff off with him but I couldn’t. My love for him wouldn’t let me. Selfish, I know.” “Ashamed? ASHAMED!? Oh, he has no idea what shame looks like! Imagine finding your soon-to-be husband has been fuckin’ your brother!” I scream. Everyone is looking at me. “Sis, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please know that” “Yeah, well your actions show my differently. I love you, Jamir, but goodbye and good riddance” I respond, giving him a firm look as I get into my car. As we drive away, I look the opposite way. It pains me to look at him right now. I can’t believe this. ↔ “So what’s the deal? Do I need to stay over longer? I will if you need me to. Just say the word…” “I know you will, but I don’t want you to. You have your own life to live. You have a boyfriend who misses you. Go home to him. I’ll be fine.” “I know you’ll be fine, but I feel guilty for leaving you alone after the day you’ve had.” “Yeah, it has been a pretty shitty day. But you know what, I’m looking forward to new beginnings.” “That’s right, bitch! New year, new you! Show up and show out this year!” Charity stands, twerking in my face. “Ew! I just bet Lance loves all of that.” “And does!” she laughs, shaking her ass in front of me some more. “Go home, crazy. I’m going to find me a good Netflix movie and curl up for the night. It’s been a long work week, I just want to rest. I wanna be alone.” “Ok, your wish is granted. Keep in mind, I’m only a call away. I love you, Robyn.” “I love you, too, babe. Later.” I see Charity out, shower, and curl up on my oversized couch for some alone time. ↔ Saturday morning rolls around in a split seconds. It seems like I just closed my eyes. I can tell that I need to use this evening to catch up on some much needed sleep. I walk into the kitchen, opening the fridge, only to realize that I don’t have any food. It’s only been a few days since I walked out on Terrance and Jamir, so I haven’t really been keeping my house as I should. I take some time to clean and prepare a grocery list, then I’m on my way to the store. ↔ “Yeah, Mama, I’m out now. I’m out shopping for food and cleaning supplies” I roll my eyes, on the phone with Mama. I converse with Mama for a few minutes, grab the last few items I need, and head to the front of the grocery store to check out. “Funny seeing you here” I hear a familiar voice say. I turn. It’s Luke.