Bringing Up the Past

Making Memories

I stare at him wide-eyed and open-mouthed far longer than I should have. I'd heard what he said and I'd understood him, but my brain just can't wrap itself around those words. Have I finally gotten what I'd wanted for so long?

Before I have a chance to answer my own question, Jay snaps his long white fingers in front of my nose. "Liv, you still there?"he asks with a slight smile to his voice. I blink and nod. "Huh? Yeah...I'm still here." He grins. "Good. I thought for a second there you'd checked out on me." I bite my lower lip and shrug. "I just didn't expect you to say yes, is all," I confess.

Jay reaches up and pats my cheek. "I don't say no to everything," he says with a little smirk. He slides his hand to the back of my head and pulls me forward into a soft kiss. I moan involuntarily and tilt my head to the side, sliding my tongue past his. I pull back just enough to break the kiss and look into his icy blue eyes. Jay hesitates for a second, almost as if he's unsure what to do next. I see him swallow then frown slightly. "What's wrong?" I ask. He shakes his head quickly. "Nothing." He looks down at the bed then back up at me. "So, uh...now what?"

I make a split second decision and pull completely away from him. Crossing the room backwards so I can maintain eye contact, I make my way to the bedroom door and lock it. Jay pushes himself up and tucks one leg under himself. He watches me intently as I stride over to my laptop bag. It had landed awkwardly beside a chest of drawers when Jay dropped it as we'd stumbled into his bedroom. I pick it up and set it gingerly down on top of the chest of drawers. Hopefully it wasn't broken, but if it was, Jay would likely buy me a new one.

I dig through my bag and find my phone near the bottom. Turning to face Jay, I hold it at my side as I walk back over to him. "Where's your phone?" I ask casually. Jay's eyes narrow. "In my pocket...why?" I hold down the power button on my phone and click the icon that pops up. The Galaxy Note 9 chimes as it turns off. "Now, it's your turn," I tell him. He scowls at me for a second then fishes his iPhone out of his pocket. He turns it off and drops it into my outstretched hand. I put both phones into the drawer of his nightstand and close it.

"What was that all about?" Jay asks suspiciously. "I don't want any interruptions," I say as I sink down onto the bed beside him. Jay drapes an arm around my shoulders and draws me close. He slowly leans in and presses his lips into the curve of my neck. I turn my head, catch his lips with mine, and the whole world falls away.

Suddenly it's like being sixteen again and kissing in the backseat of a parked car late at night. A rush of hormones and adrenaline sweeps over me and nearly takes my breath away. I'd kissed him before, slept with him before, woken up in his arms before, but something about the way he touches me so tentatively makes it feel like none of that has ever happened. It's like kissing him for the first time all over again. To top it all off, there's a feeling like we were getting away with something we shouldn't be doing. Even though we're both adults and we're allowed to have sex, this just feels like we're going to get in trouble if someone finds out. It's oddly thrilling.

Jay shifts his position enough to pull his leg out from underneath his body and wraps his other arm around my waist. He slowly leans backwards and pulls me down with him so that I'm lying on top of him. I have to hold myself up by bracing my elbows into the bed. I can feel him growing harder as he slides a hand down my back, but he seems to be deliberately taking his time. Just like I wanted. Soft moans drift in and out of the sounds of kissing. I want to badly to feel him inside me again, but I'm not willing to waste this moment. I'll probably never get to do this again.

Pushing that pessimism aside, I throw all of my attention towards the man holding me against his warm body. I'll never be able to fully explain how much I've missed him, his voice, his touch, his kiss, his smell, everything. He can deny it all he wants, but I know he was in love with me too. I can feel it in the way he's holding me now.