Its been a long time.. Oops.. I dont often have motivation to write.. Sorryyyy
My boyfriend (ex) and I have decided to end our relationship.. Dont say you're sorry, Im not sad. We both agreed together and I gave him the choice..
I said to him..
" Im giving you the option, I can give you time to work on this relationship.. Or we can decide to end this relationship all together."
Let me go through everything for the last time;
(ill make it like a book)
Somethings been wrong... Distant between us, I've asked him if there was something wrong, I know there is but he wont open up to me, thats really stressful, throughout this relationship the sex has been about him and the relationship has been about me, I wish it wasn't, there are points in the relationship where issues that were previously solved have come back to haunt.
The last few months I have noticed lack of love from him, he told me that he was stressed with applying for university and stressed with his job, in my eyes that is no excuse to love someone any less..
In the begining of these few months I just ignored the lacking and hoped it would change. I showed even more love and compassion towards him as I thought maybe I was the issue..
The next month came along, I became cautious and very much aware, he stopped texting me good morning and good night .. He didnt have to text me I didn't mind if he missed a day, again I thought I was asking too much from him.
I noticed once he got home from work he would turn on his playstaion and almost ignore my existence even while I was in a party with him. He never asked how my day was unless I had asked him first, infact he never texted me at all unless I texted first.
The final month was worse.. He wouldn't text me or call me at all.. I would spend 4 Hours in the Playstation party with him, again, not being acknowledged. By the end of the month he had texted me only four times in the space of two weeks.
The weekends I had spent with him in the relationship time frame I spent inside lying on his bed, watching him play video games, aimlessly scrolling through my phone and sitting on the couch watching t.v.
We rarely left his house, I often felt trapped, but, I didn't want to let go, I had put so much effort into this relationship just for it to... waste? I dont really want to use the word 'waste', him and I had some fun times, most definitely, but, issues after issues had just been lying in the back of my head, they were hard to ignore.
I want to explain this easily but I cannot do it without sounding like a picky, pushy bitch.
Of course every relationship has issues, But, in good relationships the couple works together to sort the issue, however I felt like I was doing all the work, I was the only one sorting the issues.
Everytime I spoke with him he would say "I'll try my best". I really appreciated that, untill I realized what he acutally meant was
"ok thanks for telling me but I cant be bothered trying to help this relationship"
ANYWAY;
I had asked him if he wanted me to come over a few days before the last weekend, he texted "I dont care" something inside my heart went 'snap', tears welled up against my bottom lash line.. He had said stuff like this before but this was the final straw I guess.
It took some time for me to muster up a reply.. I dont remember much of the texts after that, but, I knew he was telling the truth, he didn't care, all I really remember is that I knew I'd made up my mind.
I had texted my bestie and told him everything, he distracted me from my tears and complicated thoughts for a few hours before I had to go to sleep.. Even though I barely did.
I didnt want to cry, I didnt want to be sad about it, but, I couldnt help feel sad at the amount of time and effort I'd put into the relationship.
I had spent almost 100 weekends over at his house spending time with his lovely family and a few full weeks aswell .. Thats alot of time and dedication.. Where as he had only come over to my house Three times and all of them, my parents hadnt been home.
I found he was never interested in the things I wanted to do, movies I wanted to watch and stores I wanted to visit, whenever he went shopping with me, he acted like shopping with me was a burden, and I don't take long with shopping at all.
After having a tough day at work and having a melt down infront of my boss as I was just bursting with sadness and emotion, I had made it to his house, I sat there, for the very last time watching him play video games and for the last time, ignore me for the very last time.
After half an our to an hour he turned off his PlayStation, he had finally picked up there was something wrong. He moved to his bed and lay down, I'd sat on the edge in silence for a few minutes to figure out how to talk to him about the situation.
I had finally figured out what to say... I can no longer remember everything but I know I gave him the choice;
"im giving you the choice, Im willing to give you and me time, a few months maybe to firgure out our issues with the relationship and fix them together"
"or"
"we can end the relationship right here, right now, I dont want either of us to be dragged along in this relationship as it'll hurt more in the long run"
He said to me
"I think its probably best if we finish the relationship, time is not going going to change they way we are at this point"
I replied with
"We'll, thats that then..."..
We both had tears in our eyes, it was very tragic for the both of us, for me as I loved him, grew so strong into the relationship with him and so much of my time went into the relationship,
for him also as this was his first relationship, I was his first love, and I understand how hard it is to loose that..
I did give him one last kiss goodbye and a hug, there is a small space for him in my heart still that will slowly get smaller with time.. My main concerns are for him.. I still care, i dont want him to be hurt by this..
He never intentionally hurt me, it was just not meant to be.
I loved you.
