Hi before I jump into this I just wanna say that this is a real story. This is what is happening in my life right now, not some made up fantasy that has a happy ending. I dont know if mystory will have a happy ending but hey maybe it will maybe it wont only the future will tell. People, places, anything that has a name has been changed. The only truth is in the acctual story itself.
Hi my name is Amanda, i'm beep years old (age shouldnt matter) and i have a what everyone would call a pretty normal life. Some might say I have a perfect life but thats not the case. On the outside I seem happy and content with myself and those around me but thats just a cover up I have to not make everyone worry and think I need some specialist help even though I dont. Or for the people at school to think I was some horrid bitch who is just a mean person. But thats not what or who I am. This is my story.
I am those people at school who is always the one listening to problems, never saying my own. Maybe it's because no one really thinks i have problems of my own or they are just so hung up on themselves that they simply dont care or maybe its the fact I bottle everything up and say i'm fine if anybody asks and am so goood at lying that they believe me? I dont really mind to be honest, well not a lot anyway. The reason I brought this up was because i happened to be a 'guidance counselllor' today to a girl I had know for the past three years of my secondary school life. Her name was Aria. Aria was those popular girls, people would most probably say she was the most popularist, prettiest, coolest girl in our year. I would say it to. But now i dont know. She is most probably one of the meanest. I mean shes nice to me but never nice to the people she callls her best friends. Anyways she was talking to me, we are in alphabetical order seating and we get along, about all her probllems in her life like she usually does, and I was listening to her like i normally do. This time it was how a guy called Sam in our year said he liked her. Same old story with Aria. She said back she kinda like him to so now shes asking for my advice on how to turn him down if he asked her out. Which he wont by the way incase you were wondering. Then out conversation took a different turn, still on Aria of couse because thats who she is, someone who loves the attention to be on her. She told me she self harmed because of depression and anxiety but what got me was the fact that even though she claimed to have these things she still managed to talk about others behind their backs and never have a problem with anything. Now shes here telling me all this and as harsh as i am for saying this i kept on thinking not about Aria but myself because i did it to. I self harmed myself. No body knows in my life not even those closest to me, they wouldnt care anyway. I'm not trying to get attention I just know that if you carry on reading my story you should know. I dont do it anymore but that doesnt stop me from looking a second to long at a razor when i'm upset or not happy with myself. I suppose thats how my life will always be. I sometimes get so upset with people telling me i'm not good enough, not skinny enough that i think one little scar wont hurt but then that scar becomes two three, six and i cant stop. But then one day I thought.i'm not going to be a victim anymore, people arnt goignto walk all over me and stop me from being me through expressing myself becsuse theres nothing wrong with me, its the other person who is not happy with themselves and that is their problem not mine.
I know this is the beggening and i want all those who are suffering from whatever to let it go and tell someone or be like me and post a story on their lives and just know that if no one wants to here you. I do. And for those who are okay right now, thank you for reading up to her i really appreciate it.
