❇ Yuanfen ❇

6. Apricity

Apricity - The warmth of the sun during winter. (now obsolete)

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Len was a strong man.

Maybe he wasn't as much physically, but emotionally, he was stronger than anyone else who knew him. His lips were eternally sprawled into a smile, bright blue eyes crinkled above the apples of his cheeks, cheerful all the time, waiting to help anyone in need.

His deep, golden voice never tired of comforting a vulnerable soul, offering support and warmth to others even when the biting cold made his own throat sore. He would be ready to offer help at time of the day, even if the falling torrents of rain blurred the morning horizon.

He was the crackling bonfire on the beach everyone curled around seeking warmth and security; the familiar scent of petrichor rising up from cracks in the pavement after a spring day drizzle, the beautiful aroma of earth that put anybody at peace. He was like a patch of buttercups blooming carefree on the side of a road, his sweetness and vivid colour pulling everyone closer, even just for a moment, making people notice the rare, yet strangely familiar beauty he held in the depths of his soul.

He was so bright, oh, just so blindingly bright, it made even his friends sometimes pause and wonder if he was actually real. But, he was so inexplicably raw at the same time, so innocent and simple in the best of ways, that no matter how unrealistically angelic he seemed, they knew that it was all true; that he was a tangible piece of flesh and blood just like them. They knew, and mostly forgot, that he was human too, breathing, talking, sweating, moving, feeling.

They forgot that he was human too. And that humans cried too.

That no matter how selfless Len was, no matter how helping and caring, he had a self too, and that his own self needed to be cared for.

Maybe, like his friends, Len forgot this as well, the fact that his smile might falter someday.

He bore anyone's and everyone's weight on himself; he helped them carry their load and offered them his shoulders as a pillar to lean against. Maybe it's because he forgot his own limitations that he never noticed the burden on his shoulders grow so much, that in the end, they were caving in, unable to hold up anymore. His hands were calloused because of carrying everyone else's problems in his arms, all the while as he ignored the mounting weight of his own issues; the increasing pressure of not caring for himself slowly cutting into the lines of his palms deeper and deeper.

Len was a strong man; but rocks are strong, and yet, upon growing pressure, rocks are forced to crack too.

And he was only human.

So, even as the whole world was oblivious to the increasing strain building in him, each day, he held up his stoic attitude, while unbeknownst to him, the sandcastle in his soul was slowly growing weaker, crumbling away at the corners. Until finally, unable to bear, it collapsed.

Len had rough days too, days when the burden cast on him was too heavy for his delicate shoulders to carry. He stumbled too, and on some days, he was just too tired to lift the corners of his lips into a smile, letting them droop into a frown instead. Tears fell from his eyes, when the world was too large for his small frame, as he let the hot water from the shower stream off his back, his knees pressed tight against his chest.

He felt gloomy as well, and sometimes, the knots in his back were much too painful for him to get up and the cold air was on some days too stuffy to breathe.

He had days where the entire universe seemed to be crashing down upon him, days when the warmth and comfort of his favourite fuzzy turtleneck were just not enough. Days when the clouds just seemed too thick for the sunshine to creep through and chase the dark away, days when the snow kept piling in heaps, adding to the cold.