The Muses

The Muses: Chapter Five

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<P class=MsoNormal>THE MUSES</P>

<P class=MsoNormal>By: Rachel Kramer</P>

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<P class=MsoNormal>CHAPTER FIVE</P>

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<P class=MsoNormal>When I get home, I apologize to Seth for being so short with him, but he seems to be over it. His remote control "monster truck" has done wonders to cheer his mood. My disposition however has dropped since leaving Candice's. She has promised me help through this, and I know I can count on her to be there for me...most of the day. But what about at the end of the night, when I am forced to go to sleep alone in my room, where my dreams are vulnerable? Like now. At the most unstable part of my day I am ultimately alone. </P>

<P class=MsoNormal>With that last unnerving thought, I've hindered my appetite and decide to resign myself to my room. It seems my only options are to deprive myself of sleep for the rest of high school or until I go mad, or take a chance and see if I get lucky. Perhaps, my sleep will be dreamless, or filled with cotton candy and baby animals. If, per chance, I am unfortunate enough to run into Eden's ghastly apparition, she may offer more clues, giving Candice and I something to go on. </P>

<P class=MsoNormal>After a few more minutes of weighing the pros and cons of sleeping versus not, I've come to the conclusion that getting some shut eye might be more beneficial. Unfortunately, sleep will not come so easily. I'm tired enough, but my mind will not stop racing.</P>

<P class=MsoNormal>One minute I am counting sheep, and the next I catch myself second guessing my decision to tell Candice my secret. It is not that I do not trust her, for I wholly do. She would never betray me, and I am confident in that. What I do fear, is how this might affect our friendship. </P>

<P class=MsoNormal>I cannot easily forget her initial reaction when I had told her of my experiences. Originally, I had convinced myself that her expression was stoic and nonjudgmental, but now when I think back, I am almost certain there was a glimpse of fear behind her eyes. I begin to think that, on some level, Candice is afraid. Whether she fears me, or the truth I spoke, I cannot tell. Maybe it is better that I do not know. </P>

<P class=MsoNormal>What makes everything so much worse is that my family is broken. Seth is to naïve and oblivious to even know anything is going on, my relationship with my mother is growing more strained and awkward, and my father has fled, leaving no evidence that he ever plans on returning. Just like everything else in my life, I'm forced to go through this alone as well. </P>

<P class=MsoNormal>I cannot help that I feel resentful toward my father, and why should I? He has earned my anger, and one day he will know it. The most frustrating thing about it all is that I want to hate him, and sometimes I think I may be close, but it is not that simple. One part of me is so furious with him that I do not care if I ever see or speak to him again. Then, there is the other weaker side of me that wishes so desperately to run to him and have my daddy wrap me up in his arms and tell me that everything will be okay.</P>

<P class=MsoNormal>Before I know it hot tears are streaking their way down my cheeks, creating a damp spot on my pillow. So that I will not ruin the other side, I wait until I have no more tears to shed before flipping my pillow over to the other cool, dry side.</P>