The word 'polygamy' sends shivers down the spine of many in today's world. The practice has been shrouded in negativity and popular media has played a part in demonizing it. As a child from a monogamous home, my idea of stepmothers came from Snow White and Cinderella; evil personified. I thought one only gets a wicked step-mother when the good birth-mother is deceased. Then the stepmother makes life difficult for the step-child. It is true that there is no smoke without fire. For such negative narratives to hold ground for so long, there might be some truth to it. However, polygamy has its positive aspects that is praiseworthy.
The correct word for what is legally practiced in Nigeria is polygyny; a man married to more than one wife. Nigerian Muslim men can marry no more than four wives, while some Nigerian Christian men marry more than one (but it is more of an African traditional role). As a ten year old, I found it confusing when asked by Nigerians, "Is she your sister? Same mother, same father?". Bewildered, I wondered, "How else?" Just like my mother is the only wife my father has, my grandfather also had one wife. My grandfather was pestered about marrying more, but he refused, lovingly stating, "Zinaru ta ishe ni." Simply, "Zinaru suffices me." They had an epic love story that is still told by relatives. But every marriage is different and every situation is unique. One's family background does not necessarily determine whether the children will choose having or marrying into a polygamous home.
There are several reasons for a man to marry more than one wife. For some, it is status symbol. It is a way a man flexes his muscles to show society he is able to cater for his wives, have several children, and be a king in his home. The new bride selection is based on different reasons. Some men marry older women, some younger than their wives, and some marry divorcees or widows. People often say that midlife crisis makes a man seek a younger lady's hand in marriage to feel youthful. There are also cases of men wanting to marry another wife to bear children if their first wife has fertility challenges or just to have numerous children.
Culturally, marrying another woman is a way to discipline a "stubborn" wife. For bizarre reasons (unknown to me), men who have marital problems are encouraged to marry another woman to correct the problematic wife (it will make her sensible- "they say"). It may be a way to show the first that she is replaceable or the additional wife could be a comfort zone for the distraught man. (I'll look into that. While I'm at it, I'll inquire about how a woman will find her comfort zone when the husband is the troublesome one). There are also men who like the competition between their wives. Such men believe that each wife will strive to be the best by competing in numerous ways for his approval.
As a matter of convenience, men who travel between two cities/towns for work may have a wife for each place. A few generations ago, when our forefathers travelled by foot or mount, it took months and sometimes years to return from their trips (they traveled for trade, Islamic pilgrimage, or education). Wives and children were left behind at home, because of the perils of travel. Most likely the traveling man will settle in a transit town for a while, either for rest or business, and may decide to get married. So it was not peculiar to return home with a new family. Today, if a man usually commutes from Lagos to Kano, he just might have a wife to make a home for him in each city. This is the better deal than keeping a mistress.
