Highschool DXD X Brutal Legend Male Reader

Familiarity Breeds Contempt

Familiar Forest: so, this is a thing, apparently. The guy who claimed to own the place, I honestly believe, is trying to act like Ash from Pokemon, but is too old for it. That doesn't mean he doesn't have the energy to pull it off though, from what Issei tells me, he was like a firecracker!

Their was a competition between Rias and Sona Sitri to see who would have their peerage go into the forest, and they settled it with a tennis game. Which burned all the rackets, and they changed the time to night, due to the black magic fuckery that was attracting all of the students.

I was high on PCP the entire time, and was high through to the end of the week.

They tried to have a dodgeball game, but even more magic was used, and Issei's balls suffered the worst of it. That ended up being a bust, so they decided that having a match of chess piece vs chess piece was the way to go. Issei beat Saji, which was about as much as I could actually concentrate on, seeing as I got thrown out by one of my guys in order to face Sona's bishops.

"RIAS, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM!"

Horror washed over Sona's face, I had apparently mutilated myself beforehand, and looked like something from Vincent Locke. Glasgow smile, exposed ribs, and a Colombian Necktie (tongue pulled out through the neck.), which all blended together into a gruesome picture.

"I... He has been high on PCP all week. Matter of fact, I think he still is. And, now your bishops have to take him on. Good luck."

Momo was the first to attack, she fired an ice ball at me, and it shattered my ribs. I got back up, and responded by tearing out a rib, and running after her. I used the rib as a pick, and I played the riff for Bloodrocuted. So, I started spewing forth two streams of electrified blood. As the blood started to flow, Roruko reached into my neck, and tore out my throat and tongue. Roruko had gotten electrocuted to the point that she was starting to burn up, and that had apparently been enough for both of them to surrender. Since that I was more focused on taking them out than realizing I won, Yuuto cut off my arms.

"Roruko, why were you interfering? Reya's the other bishop!"

x

Asia was fixing me up, while Momo was explaining why that Sona pretty much threw the match.

"Roruko was supposed to fight Issei, since she's a pawn. Reya was supposed to fight you, but Reya got spooked by you. We are still trying to find Reya. Since that we couldn't find the other bishop, Roruko threw the order off, and Sona didn't see it as fair. Personally, I think the match should go on, but Sona's the boss, not me."

I couldn't talk, Asia had finished on my chest, and now had her hands around my neck. I closed them, and put my head in her lap.

x

I slept for a full three days after that, the last of the PCP had bled out of my system, and I, upon waking up, guzzled a full 2-liter of Dr. Pepper. Asia had finished up the work on my face after that. I hopped in the shower after that, since I smelled like a dumpster for some reason.

x

Asia and I went through a magic circle, and we were back in Japan. Apparently, we were someplace in England, which was a big fuckin' surprise. I had crashed once that I got back, and had completely missed the incursion into the Familiar Forest. Asia had come back with a little shit- I mean blue dragon.

This little bastard shocked me like he was the dragon incarnation of the Tucker State Prison Farm. Y'know, the sick fucks that invented the Tucker Telephone. Asia got between him and me, which had got him to stop.

[Fun fact about blue dragons, they're misandrists, use electricity, and will go for your balls first.]

Sadly for Issei, he wasn't able to get a familiar, since he apparently had shot for Tiamat, who's around the same level as Issei's own dragon. Don't think he knew it. Upside is, I can consider him my adopted son, the balls on the kid.

x

What went down at 2:00 A.M. is what shall be known as "The Failed Cockblocking Incident".

At some point in the night, Rias decided to make advances on Issei. So, as she begins to mount him, this maid-looking bitch pops up from a magic circle, apparently because that the Gremory household disapproved of her fooling around before marriage. You heard it here, folks, the devils disapprove of fun!

Well, I was blitzed out of my mind, and Helcaraxe took over. The age old question of "What do you do when you get pimp slapped by a dragon?" was answered in that minute. You know what you do? Nothing, you take it and hope the belt doesn't come into play.

While Helcaraxe was in the process of tenderizing the maid, Issei and Rias were doing what teenagers have a tendency to do when left alone with a partner that holds a mutual attraction.

Fuckin' A, P, T, H, and M.

I would've watched, but I barely could see through my own eyes, so that wasn't happening. So, let's take a gander to the fight between an OD'd puppet and a maid.

The maid was pretty much naked, with a shattered knee, and bloody limbs. This wasn't stopping her from icing my ass over. The hall was completely trashed, and the fight had broken outside when Helcaraxe threw my shoulder into the maid's gut. Outside was fine at first, but that changed when Willy Pete made his presence known. Willy Pete took over the fight, and gave the maid sufficient chemical burns to put her out of the fight.

x

When Helcaraxe gave me back control, I was in the middle of the paranoia induced by a mix of heroin cash and being tied up nude. So, if you were to look at me, I'd be tied up, while shaking like I'm having a seizure.

Asia was having a staring contest with Akeno, and I haven't the slightest clue why.

"Could either of you motherfuckers get me out?"

Akeno slapped me in the face, and Asia made her move, well, her dragon did. That sumbitch hit her like a fuckin' javelin, pinned her to the wall and everything. Oh, the little shit started to cut the restraints, which meant that I got to be naked and convulsing like some poor bastard at Father Baker's, speaking of Father Baker's...

I don't know where that thought was leading. All of the fighting wound up with getting my ass knocked out by Asia landing on my face, after Akeno headbutted her.