Master of the Insects

Ocean Monster

       There was the steady rise and fall of the ocean. The wind bristling through the trees. Ralph took the clearest path, so that he wouldn't have to look where he's going. He needed time to think. He found himself realizing the exhaustion of his role. The sole decision maker divided on planing and spontaneous decision making. He stopped at the shore and starred at it in nostalgia. Remembering the first day the three boys went adventuring. He continued to walk again, focusing, this assembly couldn't afford to be scattered like the others. No fooling around, no imagination...
       He lost himself in a maze of thoughts that were rendered vague by his lack of words to express them. He frowned and tried again.
       The meeting was quiet, serious.
       With a swift breeze Ralph suddenly realised this clothing condition. In his new state of comprehension, he realised how dirty his clothes were. How uncomfortable the stiff and dry clothes rubbed against his body.
       In the last event, Ralph brain seemed to have flipped a switch. He became more aware and skeptical. This change caused Ralph to think of things he otherwise wouldn't.  Not simply how dire their situation was, but of himself and others.
       The assembly location was a triangle shape. Two logs on each side, the littluns on the left and the choir boys on the right. The biggest log was for the chief. The littluns log often twisted and thus the boys fell off. They would laugh and get back on. The solution was easy, simply put a rock to wedge the log in place, or have them sit on the ground. But neither Jack nor Piggy had thought of this. Ralph paused this thoughts for a moment for including Jack. Jack wasn't exactly the smartest, but there was something about him. Ralph shook the thought away, trying to focus again and ignoring his strange action of always including Jack in things. He thought back to the log, neither of them thought of it because, because... He lost himself again.
       Ralph looked at the assembly, the lighting was different when the sun was setting. Again the fell into a strange mood of speculation. If faces were different at when lit from above or below - what was a face? What was anything?
       Ralph shifted. The trouble was, as a chief you needed to think, you needed to be wise. You had to quickly make decisions, good ones at that. You had to think, because thought was a valuable thing, that got results...
       Only, decided Ralph as he faced the chief's seat, I can't think. Not like Piggy.
Piggy came up with all the best ideas. If only Ralph could get into his fat head. Ralph thought back to how he felt on the mountain. The bond between him and Jack twisting. The comradeship between them suddenly shifting to Piggy. But Jack was still there, Ralph was still having him appear in his thoughts. There relationship hadn't devolved into enemies but Ralph feared they were on their way.
       It was when the sun started setting more that Ralph noticed the time. He grabbed the conch and looked at it almost affectionately. He put it to his lips.
       The other boys who weren't at the assembly came running. The older boys who in fear of Ralph's anger while the littluns who were unaware of the situation, where shocked by the somber tone. Piggy was on the outside of the triangle, showing that he would listen - but not speak.
       Ralph began, sternly and calmly.
        " The thing is, we need an assembly."
       Ralph had a plan. With his new found comprehension, he had a direction to go in. He knew that he needed to repeat the first statement for the words to really settle in. He needed to look out for debaters such as Jack, Maurice, and Piggy. Ralph cursed himself for adding Jack, as accurate as it was. They would try to twist the meeting, and Ralph had a clear objective with this meeting.
       He repeated
        " The thing is, we need an assembly. Not for fun, not for games, but for business. "
       Ralph went on, explaining all the issues he had been silently complaining about to himself.
      Piggy slipped into the triangle.
      He went on about the lack of water in the coconuts like they had promised, the shelters that only one was built all together, their business around the island. Jack was chipping at the log with his knife and whispered something to Roger, he looked away. Ralph stopped for an instance, hurt by the assumed insult or complaint about him but then continued.
       Finally, he got to the fire.
        " Look at how many of us there are, and we can't keep one fire going! We ought to die before we let the fire out!"
       The hunters began to giggle, this only made Ralph more angry. Suddenly his sadness was converted to anger again as he remembered Jacks betrayal of letting the fire out, though this time he directed it at the hunters.
        " And you hunters! You can kill a pig as many times as you want, it won't mean nothing compared to the fire! It's more important than a pig! Don't you all see?"
        " We've got to make smoke up there - or die."
       He paused.
        " And another thing."
       A voiced called out.
        " Too many things."
       Ralph became self-conscious in that moment. He understood their desire for something quick and simple and how this was dragging on, but if he didnt repeat himself his point wouldn't be clear. He was chief and as chief he had to do this, he wasn't enjoying it anymore than the others.
       Ralph overpowered the mutters of agreement for the previous statement.
        " And another thing, we can't have any fires except the one on the mountain."
       The boys quickly shouted back in disagreement. Ralph explained their lack of control of a fire and how if they needed any fire to cook for example, they can simple take some from the mountain. It was much easier this way to keep the fire going as well.
Then in a swift motion, Jack rose and held out his hands.
       Ralph blinked at him.
        " I'm not finished yet."
        " But you've talked and talked!"
        " I've got the conch."
       And just like that Jack sat. Ralph was relieved that Jack still listen to him, not tossing him aside because of the fight. Yet again Ralph's thoughts drifted to the fight. He looked down and held the conch closer to him.
        " Things are breaking up. I don't understand why. We began well; we were happy. And then-"
       He chocked on his words, looked beyond at nothing. He thought back to the beastie, the snake, the fire, the fear. Jack looked like he wanted to say something but closed his mouth and decided to stay quiet.
        " Then people started getting frightened."
       Jack aprublty stoped chipping at the wood while the other boys whispered at the statement.
        " It started with the littluns, but that was just talk, boogies. I'm frighten myself, sometimes, but that's nonsense! We've got to talk about fear and decided there's nothing in it. Only then can we get back to being careful about things, like the fire.' Ralph stopped, looked down and a gentle look appeared on his face. He imagined three boys laughing happily on an adventure, the setting sun on their faces. Bright red hair. ' and be happy."
       Ralph stood in place some time as his face went from happy to sad to blank. He laid the conch down as a sign the speach was over.
It was then that Jack jumped up and grabbed the conch.
        " This meetings to find out what's what, and I'll tell you what's what.  You littluns started this fear talk. Beasts! From where? Of course we're frightened sometimes, but we put up with it. Ralph's says you talk in the night. Only nightmares! Anyways, you don't help build or hunt or help. All you do is cry, like a bunch of sissies. If you're scared you'll have to put up with it like the rest of us! "
        Ralph looked up at him, open-mouthed. He always took Jack for this better person, had always put him on a pedestal. He just assumed Jack was scared of nothing.
But Jack was scared, just for different reasons. The beastie was a small fear in the back of his mind to his greater one. He realised something on the mountain. At the thought of him going home his stomach sank. The island was different, better, he didnt want to go home. At home was where all his problems lied, and where his new life disappeared. Jack wasn't exactly friends with anyone on the Island, besides Ralph which he now ruined, but it was much better than before. Ralph was the only real friend he had and Jack couldn't stop himself from being angry. Angry at Ralph for not praising his hard work, angry at Piggy for filling Ralph's head with his dumb idea's, angry at himself for letting Ralph down. He was scared, scared to lose the best thing he had. This island was fun, no adults, Jack always hated adults, they were always saying he wasn't right. The island had Ralph, and he didn't want to lose that. He's changed since he came on the Island, and that scared him too.
       He took a deep breath and continued.
        " The thing is - fear can't hurt you, anymore than a dream! There arn' t any beats! Serves you right if something did get you, you useless crybabies! But there is no animal-"
       Ralph jumped in testily.
        " Who said anything about an animal?"
       Jack looked at him confused.
        " You did. You say they talk and dream, the littluns, of a dark beast, some sort of animal. Only now it's not only the littluns but some of my hunters. Listen here, there ain't no beast on an island of this size,' he repeated Ralph's previous point, 'only pigs and such. You only see big ones in Africa."
        " Or the Zoo-"
        " I've got the conch. Be frightened if you want but I-"
       He paused, looking over at his hunters.
        " I'm a hunter am I not? "
       They all nodded. He was a hunter all right, no one doubted that.
        " I've been everywhere on this island, if there is a beast I would've seen it. Be frightened if you want, but there is no beast in the forest."
       He sat down. Even after the fight trying his best to support Ralph. Piggy took the conch.
        " I agree with most of what Jack said but not all of it. Of course there's no beast what would it eat?"
       The boys immediately said pig then proceeded to say Piggy. He quickly dismissed them.
        " Now you listen here, it wouldn't make sense. Life's sientifical. If you're sick you go to the doctors. If there was a beast it just wouldn't make sense. There's no beast, claw or fans, but I know there isn't no fear either."
       Piggy paused.
        " Unless -"
       Ralph moved restlessly.
        " Unless what?"
        " Unless we get frightened by people."
       There was a laugh, a half sneered that echoed through the boys. Piggy ducked away.
        " Well let's here it form one of the littluns, to see how silly it is."
       A small boy came up.
        " What's your name?"
        "Phil."
       Phil went on to explain the dream he had. A dream where he was in the forest and the creepers were moving to get him. Dark twisty things. He explained how he woke up outside of the shelter and he saw something in the forest.
       Ralph hesitated before sparking.
        " It was just a dream."
        " The first part was, woth the dark things. But when I woke up outside the shelter, that was all real."
        " It was a dream, what would be wandering around in the dark."
       There was quiet hesitation before Simon quietly raised his hand. Ralph looked at him in astonishment.
        " Simon! What were you doing wandering around at night?"
        " I was going to the place I know." He hesitated.
       Jack looked on before coming up with the perfect stated, funny and final.
        " He was taking short."
       The assembly quickly rose up as Simon was humiliated. Ralph took back the conch and told him to never do it again. It was then that Piggy pointed out there was another one.
       A small boy was being pushed ahead by the other, he looked at his feet in the middle of the group. Ralph remembered a similar boy who had the same thing happen to him. He flinched back at the memory. No one dared mention the mulberry boy, he was never seen again. It was only Piggy that seemed to confirm the fact that it did happen by being the only to acknowledge it. Ralph nodded to Piggy and he went up to the boy.
        " What's your name?"
       The boys didn't answer, and as a respons the rest of the boys began to chant, repeating the previous line. Ralph demanded quiet in the twilight and Piggy ask again.
        " What's your name?"
        " Percival Wemys Madison, The Vicarage, Harcourt St. Anthony, Hants,  telephone, tele-"
       The information was deep rooted into the boys mind. He began to cry at that. Ralph once again demanded quiet, telling him to shut up. Percival Wemys Madison would not shut up. A dam had been breached and the area was now flooded. It was then that all the littluns began crying, sharing their sorrow. Ralph began to panic. The meeting was already getting off track and this only made it worse. He continued to shout at the boy to shut up but it was Maurice who saved them.
        " Look at me!"
       He pretended to fall over and rubbed his bum. His clowning was terrible but enough to distracted the littluns as they all began laughing.
It was Jack who went up to Percival and ask.
         " And what about the beast?"
       Percival seemingly became tired from all the crying. He yawned and staggered so Jack shook him in an attempt to keep him awake.
         " Where does the beast live?"
         " That's a clever beast' Piggy cut in, 'if it can hide on the Island."
         " Jacks been everywhere." Ralph felt the need to add.
      They then began to debate again. Percival muttered something and the assembly laughed. Ralph crouched down beside Jack.
        " What did he say?"
       It took Jack a second as he was caught up in the fact that Ralph would be this close to him. Sure they were close before but he though that after their argument, he'd keep his distance. Instead he came unnecessarily close, as he could've said that from where he was standing.
       Jack realising he was staring, blinked and spoke.
        " He says it comes out of the of the sea."
       The last laugh died away. Ralph turned involuntarily at the sea, much to Jacks dismay. The rest of the boys turned to look at the stretched sea full of mysteries.
       Maurice spoke so loudly it made them jump.
        " My Daddy says that they haven't discovered everything in the sea yet."
       Ralph held out the conch and Maurice took it.
       He then explained how Jack is right that there is no other animals besides pigs on the Island but how they can't be sure. He explained squids and the boys erupted in arguments on how a squid couldn't come on land.
       The platform was arguing. To Ralph, seated, this seemed like the breaking-up of sanity. Fear, beast, no general agreement that the fire was all-important: and when he tried to get things straight the argument sheered off, beginning up fresh, unpleasant topics.
       Despite his best attempts he couldn't be the leader he wanted to be. He was tired and fed up and when he saw the glimmer of white in Maurices hand, he took it and blew it so hard the assembly was shocked into silence.
       Simon was close to him. He placed his hands on the conch. Simon felt a perilous necessity to speak; but to speak in assembly was a terrible thing to him.
        " Maybe,' he hesitated, ' maybe there is a beast."
       The assembly broke out. Ralph stood.
        " You, Simon? You believe in this?"
        " I don't know." He said. His heart beat was chocking him. " But..."
       The storm broke.
        " Sit down!"
        " Shut up!"
        " Take the conch!"
        " Sod you!"
        " Shut up!"
       Ralph shouted.
        " Hear him! He's got the conch!"
        " What I mean is... maybe it's only us."
        " Nuts!"
       That one was from Piggy, shocked out of decorum. Simon went on.
        " We could be sort of..."
       Simon became inarticulate in his efforts to express mankind's essential illness. He got an idea.
       " What's the dirtiest thing there is?"
      As an answer Jack dropped into the uncomprehending silence that followed it the one crude expressive syllable. Realise was like an orgasm. The littluns on the log quickly fell off as it twisted with laughter.
      Simon's efforts were beat by the laughter and he shrank back into his seat.
        " Maybe he means a ghost."
      Piggy stood up and rushed for the conch.
       " I don't believe in no ghost - ever!"
       Jack was up too, unaccountably angry. Jack has gotten worse when it comes to Piggy. More clearly affresive towards him instead of the usual simple mean attitude towards him. To everyone expect Jack and Ralph, it was clear why.
       " Who cares what you believe - Fatty!"
       " I've got the conch!"
      The two started wrestling for the conch, shouting back and forth. Ralph broke up and grabbed the conch. He sat down restlessly. He tried to explain his thoughts on ghost but he was honesty at a lost. His careful plan for the assembly had broken down. He lost himself for a minute.
      " What do you want me to say? I was wrong to call this assembly so late?" He stoped, calming himself down and cursing himself for his slip up. A chief had to be calm and collected. He continued. " We'll have a vote, on ghost I mean, then go back to the shelter because I know we're all tired - " He felt hands grabbing for the conch and somehow knew it was Jacks. " No - Jack is it? Wait a minute. " Ralph couldn't see but Jack was genuinely taken aback on how Ralph could've known it was him.
        " Ill say here and now I don't believe in ghost. Or at least I don't think so. But you could think so, so we'll decide. We'll see what's what here and now.
       Ralph calmly ask who believed in ghost. He peered into the darkness, saw hands and spoke.
        " I see."
       The world, that understandable and lawful world, was slipping away. Once there was this and that; and now the ship had gone.
Piggy then swiftly grabbed the conch.
        " I didn't vote for now ghost!"
       He stomped.
        " Remember that all of you!"
       His voice rose.
        " What are We? Humans? Or animals? Or savages? What's grown-ups going to think? Going off - hunting pigs - letting fires out - and now!"
       A figure arose and shouted.
        " Shut up you fat slug!"
      The two began fighting again. Ralph leapt to his feet.
       " Jack! Jack! You haven't got the conch! Let him speak!"
       Jacks anger had been getting worse as time went on. He went up to Ralph, right in his face.
        " And you shut up! Who are you, anyways? Sitting there - telling people what to do. You can't hunt, you can't sing -"
       It sounded stupid to others but to Jack his words were true. He wasn't being acknowledged in the slightest and his anger wasn't helping.
        " I'm chief. I was chosen."
       This felt like an insult to Jack. Why was Ralph chosen? What does he have that I don't? His anger was consuming him.
        " What does choosing matter? Just giving orders that don't make sense -"
        " Piggy's got the conch."
       Those words made everything much worse. Ever since the mountain, no, ever since the beginning Ralph had been protecting Piggy. Piggy the fat useless bub who didn't do anything but annoy Jack. Why did he get Ralph's attention and Jack didn't? Weren't they best friends? At least before? What makes Piggy better?
        " That's right - favour Piggy was you always do - "
        " Jack!"
       Ralph wanted to say more but chocked on his words. He didn't understand why Jack thought he was favouring Piggy. Piggy was always picked and as much as Ralph thought little of him sometimes, he was still a good person. He helped Ralph with ideas, which he just found very valuable. He wasn't favouring him, if anything Jack was his favorite.
        Ralph was left baffled.
        Jack mimicked Ralph's voice.
        " Jack! Jack!"
       Ralph flushed and shouted back.
        " The rules! ' shouted Ralph, ' you're breaking the rules!"
        " Who cares?"
       Ralph summoned his wits and the thoughts he had been pushing down.
        " Because the rules are the only thing we've got."
       Jack flinched at those words. Mask slipping once again for him to see a tired, sad boy who wasn't thankful for his role as chief, but exhausted. Someone who just wanted everyone to work together and be happy. Someone who wanted to be understood, like Jack. But the mask compelled him, it came back on with full force, his anger returning.
       The others were there, if he stopped now he'd look foolish, it told him.
        " Bullocks to the rules! We're strong - We hunt! If there's a beast, we'll hunt it down! We'll close in and beat and beat and beat -!"
       The boys started shouting and cheering. The excitement ran through them and the scattered. The laughter could be heard as they all ran in different directions. Ralph felt the conch on his cheek and saw that Piggy was beside him. He took the conch.
       Piggy was complaining that they were like animals. He came closer and spoke.
        " Blow the conch Ralph. "
       Ralph stared down at the conch, tired beyond believe from the meeting.
        " There's the fire. Can't they see?"
       Ralph looked from the conch to Piggy then back at the conch. He answered in a cautious voice of theorism and uncertainty.
        " If I blow the conch and they don't come back; then we've had it. We shan't keep the fire going. We'll be like animals. We'll never get rescued."
        " If you don't blow we'll be like animals anyways. I can't see them but I can hear."
       They were still scattered.  Some littluns had enough and were tired, they staggered to the shelters. Ralph raised the conch to his lips then lowered it.
       " Suppose there are ghost Piggy, or a beast?"
       " Course there arn't."
       " Why not?"
       " Because then things wouldn't make sense."
      The dancing boys figures could be seen on the horizon from the pale beach.
       " But s'pose things don't make sense. Not here. On the Island."
      The thoughts over took Ralph for a moment and he shuddered.
       " You stop talking like that! We've got enough trouble, Ralph, an' I've had as much as I can stand. If there's ghosts -"
       Ralph then uttered the words he had been thinking for some time. And relieve to him.
       "I ought to give up being chief."
       Piggy's face went pale.
        " Oh Lord! Oh no!"
       He grabbed Ralph's arm.
        " If Jack was chief he'd have all hunting and no fire. We'd be here till we died."
       Somehow Piggy knew exactly who Ralph was thinking of making leader. He obvious leadership authority weren't just seen by him.
       It was then that they noticed a figure. Simon had been there the whole time. Ralph now seemed to have a habit for forgetting the boy was there.
        " Fat lot of good we are, ' said Ralph. ' Three blind mice, I'll give up."
        " If you give up,' Piggy's voice went quiet, ' What'll happen to me?"
       Ralph looked at him confused.
        " Nothing."
        " He hates me. He's wrong you know. He's not right. We can all see it. If he could do what he wanted - you're all right, he... ' Piggy searched for the right word for Jack complex feelings, '...respects you. Besides - you'd hit him."
       Ralph only understood half of what Piggy was saying.
        " What's he wrong about?" His curiosity peaked.
        " It's weird to say to the person themselves. Jacks just too mal-tempered to get it."
       Ralph wanted to ask more but he dropped it, he somehow knew Piggy wouldn't spill.
        " Go on being chief."
       " Oh shut up young Simon! Why couldn't you say there wasn't a beast!"
        " Listen Ralph, I'm scared of him, ' Piggy got an idea. ' That's why I know him. If you're scared of someone you hate him but you can't stop thinking about him. You kid yourself and say he's alright but when you see him again; it's like asthma an' You can't breathe. I tell you what. He hates you too, Ralph -"
       Piggy tried his best to explain his thoughts to Ralph but not give them away. He was smarter and knew things like this shouldn't just be told.
       " Hates me?"
        Piggys speech was encoded. If Ralph hadn't gained more insight from becoming chief he wouldn't have noticed. The whole thing was contradictory. Piggy and Jack didn't act like that. Piggy just said Jack respected him, how could he also hate him, it wasn't impossible but still seemed off. Ralph wouldn't describe hatred like that. It felt as thought Piggy was talking not of himself but someone else. Ralph couldn't quite grasped what he was saying.
       Still, those words hurt Ralph. After as mean as Jack had been he didnt hate him. So why did Jack hate him?
         A look of guilt came onto Piggy's face. He quickly spoke.
         " You got him over the fire, I don't know. You're cheif and he ain't." He tried to keep his story.
        " But he's, he's, Jack Merridew!"
      Piggy was taken aback by this. He signed and put a hand on Ralph's shoulder.
       " Listen Ralph, it's just, Jacks not normal. He ain't like the rest of us so he can be a     little hard to understand. I did some thinking and Jacks real dumb. He can't hurt you, so he'll hurt the next thing, and that's me."
        " Piggy's right, Ralph. There's you and there's Jack. Go on being chief."
        " We're all drifting and things have gotten rotten. At home there were grown-ups. Sir this and miss that."
        " I wish my auntie was here."
        " I wish my father - Oh what's the use."
        " Grown-ups don't know things." Piggy said.
        " They wouldn't set a fire to the Island. Or lose -"
        " They'd build a ship -"
        " They wouldn't quarrel -" 
        " Or break my specs - "
        " Or talk about a beast -"
      They all were dazed in the wonders of adults.
        " I wish they could give us a message. A sign or something." Ralph said.
       It was then they heard a noise and all grabbed at each other. They saw Percival Wemys Madison, crying as he always does. His address useless to him.