5SOS preference / imagines

You die (his pov) part 1

>MICHAEL<

I looked toward the passenger seat, taking my eyes off of the road for only a second to see your beautiful smile, but a second was all it took. The semi-truck swerved, hitting us head on. I don't remember much else. I remember lights and sirens and being shuffled from a stretcher to an ambulance to a hospital all in a haze. "Y/n!" I yelled the whole time, "Where is she?!" I woke up in a white room to see a doctor and my band mates crowded around me. I sat up groggily, feeling a pain in my side, a pounding in my head, and a clenching of my stomach. "How're you feeling?" A doctor asked me gently. "Where's Y/n?" I asked immediately. No answer came and I began to fear the worst. "What? Where is she?" I repeated, looking from Calum to Luke to Ashton to the doctor in the hopes of receiving an answer. "Michael," Ashton sighed, "Y/n, um, she didn't -" He broke off, looking to Luke for help. "It wasn't your fault," Luke said. "Wh-where-?" I began, although I was unable to finish. I felt like I would throw up if I attempted to speak. I needed them to say it or I wouldn't believe it. It couldn't be true. "Michael, she didn't make it," Calum whispered. "No," I responded immediately, shaking my head. "She's not - she isn't -" I gave up, feeling faint. I looked toward the doctor, waiting for him to tell me this was some kind of prank. "She was dead on arrival," he informed me sadly, "I'll give you some time before his check up," he said to my friends before exiting. I sat in silence, too shocked to pick an emotion. My head swirled with confusing thoughts and my heart seemed to stop entirely. It would be easier if it really did stop. It was my fault. She was dead because of me. "It's my fault," I managed to choke out as hot tears stung my eyes. "No it's not," Luke assured me, "It was the other driver, Michael." I shook my head. "She wanted to stay home," I said weakly, "But I had a date planned." My body felt numb, the physical pain completely forgotten in comparison to the emotional pain that was far worse. "I was - I was gonna propose," I said, my lip trembling as the tears threatened to spill. "I -" I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut as tears poured out. "She wanted to stay home," I repeated angrily. "Why didn't I just stay home?" I asked myself. "I could've proposed at home." I felt my throat closing up and my stomach clench as these thoughts poured out of my mouth. "We could be home right now," I muttered in disbelief. "Michael, it wasn't your fault," Luke repeated. "YES IT WAS!" I shouted, angry that he was so convinced I wasn't to blame. "Michael, stop," Ashton commanded, pushing me back into bed. I must have tried to get up. "Leave me alone!" I snapped, pushing Ashton off of me. Startled, they make their way to the door, leaving me with my own thoughts. It was my fault.

>ASHTON<

I squeezed your hands in mine and you squeezed back, smiling at me sadly. "You're gonna be okay," you whispered. I looked down at your all too familiar hospital sheets to hide the fact that I was tearing up - again. "I know you'll be okay," you repeated, letting go of my hands and cupping my face, forcing me to look at you. You rested your forehead against mine and I smiled despite myself. "I love you," I sighed. You smiled, scooting over and patting the spot next to you in bed. I crawled next to you, hugging you tightly against my chest. I quickly wiped a tear from my cheek. How could I not be out of tears yet? "Ashton?" You whispered. "Ya?" I said, clearing my throat to hide the fact that I was crying. "Promise me you'll be okay," you begged. "How can I promise that?" I said with a light chuckle. "Just promise me you won't, ya know, feel weird about moving on," you explained, looking up at me hopefully. I sighed, not wanting to tell you that honestly I didn't know if I'd be able to move on without thinking of you. "Okay," I sighed. "I can tell you're lying," you pointed out, chuckling weakly. "I promise that after some time maybe I will date another person," I muttered, unable to look at you for fear of you seeing the tears welling in my eyes again. "You'll love someone else, Ash, don't worry," you stated, smiling confidently. "And she's gonna be beautiful and funny and smart and have great taste in music," you listed, smiling at me all the while. "She won't be you," I pointed out hopelessly. "She'll be better than me! I bet she'll be great at video games and a really good cook, and maybe she'll even like Vegemite!" You added, making me laugh as I remembered the time I made you try Vegemite and you nearly puked. You smiled, no doubt proud that you had gotten me to laugh today. "She sounds alright," I joked with a shrug. "So promise me you won't feel bad moving on, alright?" You asked, looking at me seriously. "Alright," I said with a little more truth than last time, "But you'll always be my first love." "And you'll always be my last," you replied, biting your lip as your eyes filled with tears. I kissed your forehead, hugging you against my chest in silence. "Mr. Irwin?" A sweet voice called from the door, "It's time to go." I sighed and nodded to the nurse, who left us alone to say goodbye. "Well, it's been real," you chuckled, sending me a wide grin. "I'll always love you," I said. I let the tears fall entirely now, knowing it was no use trying to hold them back. "Hey, Ashton," you whispered. I looked into your bright, dancing eyes and waited for you to continue. "You're gonna live an amazing life. You've already saved so many lives, and you're gonna save so many more. You know I wouldn't have made it this far without you." I nodded, trying to believe what you were saying. "So don't stop smiling, baby," You told me, "Because I swear your smile can change the world." I let out a watery laugh and smiled at you, which made you smile, too. You kissed my cheek and I got up, knowing you were tired and I needed to go. I headed for the door and you waved one last time. I took a mental picture, knowing it was the last time I'd see your smile, and I turned away as you laid down to sleep for the last time.