Closer

Untitled Part 7

"Otis? You okay?" Dahlia asked, stroking his chest.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinkin'."

"What're you thinking about?"

"Nothin'."

"No, come on. Tell me."

"Ain't nothin' but nothin', darlin'." He stroked her back. "Just me worryin' again. That's all."

"Oh, big surprise there. What are you worryin' about, angel face?"

"Mm...Us. This again. What the hell we're gonna do."

"Otis, I'm not leaving. I have a job. A good one. You do too. We...We could do this."

"Yeah, but y'know what the thing is, is that you bring back a lot of memories. Bad ones. Not that I have a whole wealth of good ones."

"I...I know..."

"But God it feels good...To be with you."

She smiled up at him.

"And just...Thinkin' about...Gettin' this monster covered up..." He softly traced the outline of his tattoo. "Duke offered today..."

"You should do it! I know how much you absolutely hate it. And what it means. I think it would be really good for you. What's stopping you?"

"I...don't like men touchin' me without a shirt on. With any piece of clothing missing..."

"Sweetheart...Don't you know Duke well enough to know that he wouldn't do anything?"

"No...I thought I knew a lot of people well enough to know they wouldn't do anything."

"Well, I think you should think about it. It would be good for you, I think. Really good for you. To be able to not have to look at that in the mirror every day."

"I don't know what I would want..."

"Well, you and Duke can work that out. But I really think you should trust him to do it."

Otis grunted.

"Ohhh, baby don't be sour. Come on." She straddled him, leaning down to kiss him softly. "C'mon. Give me some sugar."

"Mm, mama as sweet as you are I think you should be givin' ME the sugar." He smirked, wrapping his arm around the back of her neck and kissing her deeply.

when she broke away, she kissed his forehead. "Otis...Do you ever have just a lazy day?"

"No. Try not to. Mind goes too much."

"What do you think about then?"

"Things I don't want to think about. "

"Have you ever talked to someone about your PTSD?"

"I don't fucking have PTSD, god damn you."

"Depression? Anxiety?"

"I DON'T have those, Dahlia."

"Really? What do you call waking up in the middle of the night, screaming and begging your father not to hurt you anymore? Or flinching when people move to touch you? Or...Or god the way you were the day you stopped being scared. I'd sooner have you be scared than ever see that again. Or being so afraid to be hurt again. What do you call that, Otis?"

He glared up at her. "I call it being fucking abused."

"And those things that I said are FROM being abused. It's just diagnosing them."

"What are you, a fuckin' shrink now?! Get the fuck off of me!" He shoved her away. "I don't fuckin' need this!"

"Don't push me away because I'm right and you're afraid of what that means. I don't deserve that, Otis. Don't run from your problems just because you're afraid."

"Just because you're older than me doesn't mean you're my mother."

"I should hope to God not. That would mean I've been beating my beautiful son."

Otis sighed. "Just go to bed..."

"Otis. Why do you feel like I'm going to leave you?"

"Because you fucking did the last time."

She fell silent, staring at him in shock. "Otis..."

"I fucking needed you and you just fucking abandoned me. Just like everyone does."

"Angel-"

"STOP. Stop with the fucking pet names. I NEEDED you. You were the only thing that kept me sane there and you left me to fucking ROT in that hell hole!"

"I'm sorry...I was young and stupid..."

"You were young and stupid but I was younger and I was so fucking scared! Do you know what they did to me after you left!?"

"W...What...?"

"They fucking sterilized me, Dahlia. Because they didn't have to provide condoms then. I was awake. For the whole thing."

She covered her mouth in shock. "No..."

"And the whole time, they told me how you could have protected me. How you could have saved me. Because you could always sweet talk them."

"I'm so sorry, Otis..."

"Why the fuck did you leave?! Why was I so disposable to you!?"

"You weren't disposable! I...I wanted out! I wanted to get away and another brothel offered me more money and I thought I could save up and get out!"

"YOU FUCKING LEFT FOR MORE MONEY!?"

"Otis, it's not-"

"IT'S NOT WHAT I THINK!? IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THINK!"

"THEY TREATED ME WORSE THERE AND BEAT ME LIKE YOUR PARENTS BEAT YOU!" She sobbed, tears rolling down her cheeks. "They were horrible...As poorly as we had it when we worked together it was so much worse. I did save up and got out sooner, but I'll never know if it was worth that or not."

Otis wasn't sure what to say or do; he felt he should apologize, but he also felt justified in his accusation.

"If that's really how you feel then why do you keep coming back to see me?"

"Because whatever happiness I feel with you, whatever else I feel toward you, is better than feeling nothing at all..."

"I always thought of you, Otis. I always wondered about you and hoped you were okay. I promise I always did. I never wanted anything to happen to you."

"Yeah..." He cleared his throat. "I uhm...I guess I should go..."

"I don't want you to go."

"What?"

"Just because we were screaming at each other doesn't mean I want you to leave...Come to bed, Otis..."

"Okay..." He lie down next to her, settling. She curled up to him, nuzzling his chest. "Over all those years...I never forgot what the color of your eyes was..."

"I never forgot you..."

She awoke hours later, her bladder screaming. When she returned to bed, she noticed Otis softly sobbing, curled into a ball on the bed.

"No...No please just leave me alone...Please stop hurting me..."

She tried to talk him through the nightmare and back into reality, to no avail. He sobbed and shook relentlessly, until she shook him hard enough to wake him. "Shhhhhh come on. It's okay."

He tried to pull away, clearly embarrassed.

"Hey, come on. Let me hold you for once, huh?" She kissed his forehead. "It'll be nice."

He nodded, settling into her and allowing her to hold him. She noticed his white-knuckle grip on her blouse, and pulled him closer.

"I'm not leaving. You don't have to worry. This isn't like last time."

As he drifted back to sleep, real tears ran down his cheeks.