One Night With My Bestfriend

Kabanata 14

Kinuha ko ang keycard ko para makapasok, sa condo ko, i sighed.

I felt so lonely, so depressed. Ashton is still mad at me, he's just trying to keep up, but deep inside he's truly mad that i left him.

Binagsak ko ang aking katawan sa couch. It was a long six years of struggling. I was about to give up.

It's hard knowing that you dont have any directions in life, clueless. It's terrible having existential crisis, that from my past self didnt have the guts to find a way to stand up and find your purpose.

Nakakapagod.

"Ma, i have a news. " i tried not to sound so sad, i'm nearly crying because nothing works out for me.

"Ano yon?" She sounds like the usual.

Pero alam ko namang magagalit sila.

"I didnt passed the Qualifying Exams Ma." Garagal na sabi ko, Huminga ako ng malalim dahil nararamdaman kong mauubusan ako ng hangin.

"Bakit daw?! Bakit? Alanis!" She's furious.

"Noong college ako, wala kaming pambayad sa tuition, gusto ko mag accountancy noon, pero engineering yung nakuha ko noon dahil wala yung tuition fee's na babayaran Alanis, nag pursigi ako para makapasa!" Nang gigil niyang sabi.

I didnt make any noise i kept crying silently.

"Ultimo pambaon wala ako, pang sakay lang papuntang school at pauwi, wala akong pang tanghalian ni snack man lang. Nagagalit pa saakin iyong magulang ko pag hihingi ako ng baon. Ginawa ko iyon para makapag aral lang! Wala kang diskarte sa buhay!"

"Napaka walang kwenta mong bata ka! Nagsayang ka lang ng pera sana hindi ka nalang pinag aral kung ganyan lang ang isusukli mong bata ka! Hindi ka man lang nag pursigi hindi ka manlang nag aral!" Narinig kong may halong hikbi ang boses niya, it breaks my heart because im hopeless.

Nilayo ko ang telepono saaking tenga, sa gastos; sa utang, sa tirahan, pagkain tuition, it all went out. I was expecting comfort, but i realized that my parents are from the old generations they dont accept any failures. I am a one good example of that. 

I feel bad from all of this i tried so hard, i really did, but it wasn't enough i messed up, naputol iyong call, and i start bursting to tears.

I really want to get it all out of my chest pero hindi ko manlang magawa paunti unti nalang.

I need a bucket of a lot of pain to burst things out. Iyong punong puno para isahan nalang lahat, binalik ko saaking bag iyong cellphone ko at kinuha na iyon, its the end of my shift.

Namataan ko nandon si Ashton, sa labas ng cafe, the girls are looking at him, but he doesn't even noticed.

I wonder how damaged people like me could get up and find something different, a different hope.

I stayed still infront of him. "What are you doing here?"

Nagkanda leche leche na yung buhay ko maybe i didnt take college seriously.  But i passed all my subjects walang bagsak. And what happened?

"Picking you up, you've been crying." He stated, and touched my cheeks, he took my hand and hold it.

Ashton, has became my anchor these fast few weeks.

"Wanna get a tattoo?" He asked randomly. And he smiled like everything is okay.

"I got you Lanis, i'm not gonna give up on you, like how you are giving up with yourself right now."

Hindi nalang ako umimik.

My phone vibrated it was Papa.

Go home, you'll settle your school problems in here. Dito ka na rin mag aaral.