To Protect Dragons

26. Happily

It was still hard to walk around, Kazuto had a maid come and apply fresh bandages and ointment every four hours. My body hurt, but my conscious hurt even more. Kazuto was hiding information about the war from me, he would frequently dodge around the questions I would ask him, but his maids weren't as tight lipped.

There were over 1000 casualties from the Southern side, civilians were killed and injured too. I caused that. I had been the cause of all these deaths, and I wished I could go back in time and change my decisions but I knew that the only way to move now was forward.

I had been filled with anxiety not knowing anything about the Northern side, not many maids here knew what was happening on the other side of the war. Not only did I not know if Riko and Reo were okay, but I also wasn't allowed to contact my father. I was sure that there was a deal being put in place, but I wasn't sure when or what the deal would be, and that scared me.

A small knock appeared at my door snapping me out of my anxious pacing and thinking back and forth across the room.

"Come in" I said. Reo walked in, at that moment I had never been happier to see someone.

I ran towards him and embraced him in a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay." I sighed into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I didn't come visit you sooner Kana" he said enveloping his hands on top of my own. "It's been very hectic around here but I came as soon as I could."

"I'm just happy to see that you are okay Reo, I'm so sorry I really am just so sorry." I said cupping my hands around my face. The regret I felt only increased even more when I saw his battered face from war and sling around his arm.

He stared at me for a moment before speaking, Reo was always precise with his words and I always looked at him as a wise person who always knew what to say in the right moment. But it seemed that war had even led Reo at a loss for words. Everyone was just so tired, so completely exhausted. But we couldn't stop and rest, there was no time to stop and rest during this time.

"You did what you thought you had to Kana, I know you didn't make that decision on your own either. I know you're a good person and you need to know that too. If you keep blaming yourself for everything that happened it will kill you." His face was sad, I knew he wanted the best for me, but I also wouldn't hold it against him if he held resentment towards me now, after all I hated myself right now too.

"What's going to happen to me Reo?" I asked suddenly, "I know Kazuto is working out some sort of deal but he won't tell me anything" Before he could speak I interrupted once again, "At least tell me my father knows that I'm alive Reo, please at least tell me that." I was practically begging at this point, I could hear my own desperation dripping from my voice.

If my father thought I was dead I knew that he would be lost.

He glanced around for a moment, almost as if he was afraid someone was watching. "Listen Kana I can't tell you anything right now but trust me okay? Both me and Kazuto have your best interests in our minds right now. Kazuto is fighting the council hard right now but you have to trust him okay?"

I wanted his words to reassure me but I couldn't help but feel hopeless in the situation that I was in right now. All I wanted to do was escape and go back to my father and my people, but I also knew that my actions could make things worse and I had to be very careful about what I did here. I had to be on my best behavior, from what Kazuto had told me about the Southern council, I knew that they were not people that I would want to be messing with. No matter what I had to get home, that was the goal and I couldn't forget that. But my people and the Southern kingdom were also factors that I had to think about greatly.

"Reo this can only play out in a few ways please just listen to me and don't speak for a moment." He nodded his head in compliance.

"If, and I said If it comes down to a situation where I might not be able to make it out of this kingdom alive" I paused and reached under my pillow to grab a piece of paper in an envelope one of the maids had snuck in for me. "I want you to give this to my father please, you need to give this to him if something happens to me, and I know I can trust you with this."

"Kana you will not-"

"You don't know that Reo you just don't, please promise me that you will give this to him if something happens to me, promise me."

He hastily took the letter in his hands and tucked it into his jacket. "I will, I promise."

I knew I could trust him and I just hoped that I put everything I needed in that letter for my dad to at least try and find peace within himself.

Dad,

I know you are hurting right now. And I know you wish we didn't go to war, I know that you are blaming yourself for agreeing to let me go into battle. I know all this because I am feeling the same way. I'm asking you not to blame yourself, and if these are my last words to you then I want you to know that you were the best father I could ever ask for. If you are receiving this letter then i'm with Amree right now, i'm also with mom. I wish that I could see you again, but one day we will. We will all be watching over you, I know you don't want to loose your daughter. But I want you to know that i'm not scared, I wasn't suffering, and I have been thinking about you every single second. And I want you to tell this to Emelia, I don't want her to regret on all the times that we didn't spend together, please tell her to focus on the good times. And that without her I would have been lost, she is my best friend, and she is a sister to me. And if you are showing her the actual letter then Emelia, I want you to be happy with your life. You are one of the best swordsman I know and you have so many great things coming into your life, you truly deserve the world. And to Riko, I will always hold you close to my heart and I regret that I shut you out during the last few months of my life. Please don't blame yourself for the cause of our separation. Because you also have so many great things coming your way. Make me proud, I want to watch over you as a top general one day, protecting my people and those around you. We have all been best friends since we were children, and that doesn't stop now. I will be with every single one of you through everything just know that. The pain will go away, it will take time and it will hurt to breathe for a while, but eventually you will be able to talk about me and smile instead of cry. I just hope that day comes soon for all of you. I love you dad, and I wish you didn't have to go through this a second time. No parent wants to watch their children die before they do but who knows? Maybe mom just missed me a little too much. My last wish is that you all don't cry too long for me. I love you all so much and it's hard to put my feelings into words. My words are almost inexplicable while i'm writing this letter. We will all meet again, and father please live your life for me happily. Your little girl will always be your little girl, and now I just want you to try and find happiness since you provided that for me my whole life.

                                                         With all my love,

                                                                                             Kana