An American at Hogwarts

Chapter Thirty-One

"This has been one of the worst days of my life," I said, sinking down to the cobblestone floor. Rhodey followed my lead, kneeling down wherever he was to be level with me. My voice was wobbling and I hated it, but there was nothing I could do to fix it.

"What happened? Do you need me to come get you, or just listen?" he asked.

"Just listen, at least for now." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down a little. I decided to start from the very beginning of the match, and just explain everything that happened. I could get into feelings and everything else once that was over.

I made my way through the story, from getting the suit to the beginning of the match and beyond. I struggled to stay calm, but my Uncle Rhodey was one of the best people in the world to vent to. He didn't interrupt my story or try to tell me what to do. He just listened.

"-and then Ana's alarm went off and I looked up and Harry was just... falling. Completely limp and plummeting through the air. And I did nothing."

I looked down, feeling shame wash over me.

"I mean, what the hell was I thinking?" I cried. Suddenly I couldn't hold it back anymore. "I could've saved his life, and instead I sat by and did nothing! What kind of hero am I?"

"A young one," he answered without missing a beat. "You're new to all of this, and there's no reason for you to be perfect. Everyone freezes up, even when they've been doing the job for years. It's not your fault. You shouldn't have to deal with stuff like this so young."

"But I do! I do have to deal with it Uncle Rhodey! It's in my blood! My whole life, I've grown up around heroes. As mentors, parents, trainers, friends. I can't just ignore that! And my age means absolutely nothing if somebody dies and I could've done something about it. They're still dead, and I still failed, no matter how good of an excuse I might have."

Rhodey bowed his head. "I know. Part of me hoped you wouldn't go into the family business, but the older you get the less likely that seems." He looked up at me again. "It doesn't help that you make such a damn good hero."

I started to shake my head, but Rhodey didn't let me get away with it this time.

"Alexa, look, at the end of the day, nobody died. You can't do anything to change the past, so now you gotta take a deep breath and keep moving forward. Train some more, get some practice, so that the next time you're less likely to hesitate."

He paused, but I didn't look up.

"Hey, I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but not every moment is gonna be a win. I've frozen before. I've lost people before. Now I'm praying to God that you're never in that situation, but if you're set on the hero path, you're gonna be there someday. Everybody has their own way to cope with that, but I'm always here if you need help finding yours."

"He looked like my dad." The words came spilling out of me, barely above a whisper as I stared daggers at the cobblestones. "Harry, when he was falling out of the sky... completely limp... he looked like my dad falling out of the wormhole."

"Oh, sweetheart. I am so sorry. Ana, can you pass along a hug for me?"

"Of course, Colonel Rhodes."

The Iron Man suit started expanding around me, exerting a little bit of heat and pressure like it was wrapping me in a hug.

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I broke down, sobbing as I curled in on myself.

"It was like New York all over again!" I wailed between sobs. "I swore to myself, I swore I would never be helpless in a situation like that again. And here I am! I had the ability to do something, and I did nothing. I was scared, so I did nothing. I'm a coward!"