the plumbing predicament larry au

t w o

when louis tomlinson entered harry's life for the first time, harry thought it was a gift from the heavens, probably the result of some really good deed he had done in some other life.

but now, as he lies awake in bed, brokenly staring at the glow-in-the-dark stickers on his ceiling, he is cursing his fate. he doesn't know whether to write poetry about the depth of louis's eyes or wank til he's senseless to the image of louis's sinful smirk around his dick.

either way it really sucks because he didn't gather up the courage to ask louis for his number. and now he is distraught and a bit depressed. such is life.

he's done his homework though. he had put on his Stalker Mode and facebooked and twittered louis until he was absolutely certain that louis was not a serial killer with a vengeance plotted against boys with broken kitchen sinks.

he had ogled louis's profile picture for ages. staring into his laptop like it was the last time he would ever see his laptop again. it was pretty pathetic. but necessary too in harry's opinion.

so the next step was to obviously call niall.

"oh my god, horan, you will not believe this," harry said just as the line picked up.

"uh huh," came the reply.

" i just met the most gorgeous boy ever!"

there was a sigh at the other end of the line. "if only i had a pizza for every time i hear you say that. i would surely be the happiest man alive.".

"ugh no, you would be the fattest man alive. but anyway, he is so hot ni you would drool an ocean."

"um h how many times do i have to tell you that i am straight. like dude i get off on jennifer lawrence's nudes." niall said exasperatedly.

"whatever, no reason you can't still go the other way. but listen. this guy is so hot he makes hell look like ice. so i really don't have a choice. i gotta have him."

"then who's stopping you?"

and there's the million dollar question. harry's not about to tell niall about how he lost his sense of speech upon seeing louis. he would make fun of him till he ran away to bora bora or something. but it doesn't matter anyway because he didn't even get louis's goddamn number.

he tells niall all about louis. his tanned muscles and gorgeous butt and swoopy hair and sinful smirk and his hot plumbing job. harry has half a hunch that niall had long ago stopped listening to him and had started watching one of his dumb cooking shows or whatever but he doesn't really care. when a guy's gotta vent, a guy's gotta vent. even if it's to a wall.

"lovely arms!" harry proclaimed.

"uh huh."

"beautiful legs!"

"hmm."

"apocalyptic arse!"

"yep."

"i saw two dogs kiss today."

"what really?" and all of a sudden there's some general interest in niall's ever indifferent voice.

"you are such a strange boy," harry says, laughing.

"whatever man. i've learned to cut through your bullshit and only filter the important stuff into my ears. being friends with you at least gave me that."

"please. everything i say is awesome and important."

"sorry haz I couldn't hear that cuz like I said, i don't listen to bullshit," niall says smoothly.

"ugh if you're so smart then please tell me what I should do now oh enlightened niall," harry says, rolling his eyes.

"I know you're rolling your eyes right now. and obviously you're gonna have to break your sink again to get yourself in loverboy's pants."

there's a reason harry calls niall his love guru.

yo yo wassup homies how y'all doin this fine day

am i funny or wut (say yes bishes)

vote if you think louis and pizza are super awesome

comment if you wanna ride pizza or eat louis

teehee ride louis and eat pizza

peace out