Eggs and Trees (Sam-I-Am x The Lorax)

How the Sneetches Stole Christmas part 2!

The Sneetches and Christmas were now at the wedding! The Sneetch without the star (whose name was Nostarr) yelled, "Give us the most valuable thing you own, or we'll KILL your precious cat, Christmas!"

Sam-I-Am knew that the most valuable thing he owned was his dead grandmother's necklace, which was $49, which was a lot of money. However, he cared about his cat more than his dead grandma so he went to get his black purse, where he stored all of his most valuable things. But he had a plan. 

He went up to the Sneetches with his black purse and held up the necklace. The sneetch that had a star on his stomach (whose name was Starr (Nostarr made his balls so blue)) went to grab the necklace, but before he could take it, Sam-I-Am took a brick out of his black purse and knocked out Starr with it. Nostarr threw Christmas across the room and said, "Haha, now your cat's going to die because I threw it and whenever you throw something it dies." But the Lorax quickly caught it so it wouldn't die. 

Sam-I-Am then threw the brick at the back of Nostarr's head, which killed Nostarr. 

After a few hours, when the wedding was about the end and everyone was enjoying themselves, the door flew open again, and a policeman walked into the Satanic Church. "Sam-I-Am," he said, "You are under arrest for the murder of the Cat in the Hat, more commonly known as the Cat with a Bat." He then put handcuffs on Sam-I-Am and drove to jail.

Sam-I-Am tried to escape the police car, but it was pretty hard because the door handle was very slippery ;) and not easy to open. After the drive they finally arrived at jail where Sam-I-Am was locked up. 

Sam-I-Am was happy that he had a cellmate because he gets lonely very easily. He went to talk to his cellmate. He said, "Hey, I'm Sam-I-Am. I have green eggs and ham. I hate this place. It's nasty. Who are you?" The cellmate then replied with, "I'm Yertle the Turtle. I'm in jail because I robbed a bank. Why are you here?" Sam-I-Am said, "I killed the Cat in a Hat, more commonly known as the Cat with a Bat." Yertle gave Sam-I-Am a very serious look, and said, "Well, welcome to jail kid. You're gonna have to learn one or two things if you wanna survive here." Sam-I-Am said nothing, so Yertle just continued. "I'm just saying that prison is a tough place. Stick with me, and I'll show you how to navigate this place without winding up dead. Also, stop whining like there's no Santa Claus." Sam-I-Am nodded, and then retreated to his side of the cell.

Meanwhile, the Lorax was crying and so sad that Sam-I-Am had been taken away to jail. He ran away to his house and decided to make white goo go everywhere. He was sad so this wasn't as disgusting. Then he heard a knock on the door. There was Christmas. Christmas said, "I know a way to break Sam-I-Am out of prison. "How?" asked the Lorax. "We're going to have to blow up the building and while everyone is going crazy we can sneak Sam-I-Am out. Also your dick is more than just a source of handjobs so you can stop now." said Christmas. "Okay 'Jason Dean', whatever you say, but how are we going to pull this off?" "Oh you'll see," said Christmas. "You'll see... >;DDD"

To be continued...

Word count: 586

Also I wrote this while listening to the Heathers soundtrack so you might find some references... sorry :/