Fight for what you want

Behind my feelings..

Behind my feelings..

I have met lots of friends and close family members,lovers and who have been there for me when I could not bee ...

Leveres who has shown that they did not want me but other things and have shot me in the back...

I never open to them because of my private struggle that was close to me

i believe that the only way for me if it was in a love relationship or friends relationship was the only way to close my mouth..because I would not be judged more than what I become daily....

I shut myself in with my struggle, I struggle not to show my feelings to everyone, indside struggle has grown and the struggle I had everyday reduced my personality.

I lost slowly, my certainty by myself, my person as I was, was going down in a deep deep hole....!!my friends could feel and see that i fight against something but i shut my mouth more and more ..I slowly moved away from my own consciousness

It was no longer me who was here in this body it was my fear and my pain that had taken over me,all the battles and words I have turned them to my personality, the people who stood near me were not allowed to change my personality because I listen to and lie and people who wish me away and down the hell I often told myself that I want to be the old me,

i know good deep in that this was not me no, i push the people away as what heart in the right place,I push them away because I fear they would change their will know the true story of me..

I ran away in the sense that I destroyed myself about my family,I was not myself anymore I was taken over by an I as I have built up because of my fear,because I was not like those who stood near me I measured myself with others and only found fault with myself,I build myself down and not up,I had to realize I was over the edge and was going down and away!!!!!!!

eating disorders what take me over!!!!!!!

I was on the edge to fall down forever!!!