Daybreak, BK 4 of the Lightwalkers

XI - Carrie

How long had it been since I was normal? It felt like eons ago. And as much as I missed my previous life, there was no way I could return to it. Not without a lot of complications.

I tore my eyes off the dark skyline and focused on my hands. I had them braced on the window ledge. With a little effort, I transformed one into a tiger's large paw complete with sharp claws. The instinct to continue the change, until I was a tiger entirely, nearly overwhelmed me. I fought it, changing my hand back with a gasp.

"You're getting much better at that."

Glancing over my shoulder at Lan, I found him standing in the doorway. I grinned at the weird deja vu feeling he gave me. Didn't we just do this yesterday?

He had a hand on the door, the light from the hall cast his long shadow across the floor. "I remember a few months ago it was too much for you to even try."

I shrugged and turned my back to the window, facing him. "Nothing better to do than practice. What's up?"

He flipped the light switch causing me to blink at the sudden brightness as he stepped in. "I wanted to apologize for earlier. I realized what I'd said sounded harsh, like I was trying to run you out. I didn't mean it that way."

"There's no need for a sorry, Lan. I know you wouldn't mean it like that." I cross my arms against my chest and leaned back, waiting. There was something else bothering him. I could see it in his forest green eyes, something that he struggled with.

"I'm not trying to force you, Carrie, but I do think you should leave. This situation is not..." Lan searched for the words, starting to pace the floor. After a few moments, he stopped and looked at me, his frustration clear. "I don't want to see you hurt, or worse, over this. You've no stakes in this game as a Felix."

I had no stakes? What about my life? What about Jon's? What, because Kain now lived in his head, Jon didn't get a say anymore? How unfair was that?

"And what about Jon?" I asked, fighting to keep my temper.

Lan shook his head. "He's a vampire and a subject of Michaela's. You need to forget about him and just leave."

"I can't do that, he's just a kid. A lost teenager-"

Lan's eyes practically glowed with irritation. "He's a Prince of the Vampire Court. There's nothing you can do for him."

"I won't leave without Jon."

"What do you think you can do?" He whispered harshly at me, stepping in to place his hands on my shoulders. They were hot on my cool skin, almost comforting despite our conversation. "I've got a bad feeling about this, Carrie. My instincts are screaming at me to get out, but I can't leave. I don't want to see you hurt. Leave the boy. I promise I'll do whatever I can to help him, but just go."

Did he know? Did he know about the birds and their plan to rescue Jon?

I searched Lan's eyes. All I could see was his concern for me. What could I tell him? I didn't want to lie to him, but the hell if I was going to tell him the truth and jeopardize Jon's chance of getting back to his brother.

"I don't care if I'm in danger, but I'm not going to abandon Jon." I shook my head and looked over at the coffin only an arm's reach from me. The lid was pushed up, the empty red velvet waiting for Kain to return. "That poor kid has gotten the wrong end of the stick, he needs someone to look after him."

"That doesn't have to be you," he said with a gentle squeeze of his fingers.

"Yeah, well no one else seems to be stepping up to the plate."

Lan let his hands drop from my shoulders as he moved back. His disappointment tainted the space between us, and I had to swallow past the pain in my throat.

"I'm sorry," I said, but he just shook his head.

"I can't force you to leave; you make your own decisions." He glanced past me, out the window. "Dawn's coming. I got to wake the other wolves."

He left without another word and it felt as if he took the air from the room with him. I didn't know if this plan to rescue Jon was going to pan out, just like I didn't know if I would see Lan again if it did. Hopefully, he wouldn't see me leaving with Jon. I hope he wouldn't know that I'd betrayed him.

I fought the tears, turning back towards the window as I heard Kain coming down the hall, his hollow laughter at whatever had peaked his amusement announcing his approach.

Wiping quickly under my eyes, I took a deep breath. I had to steady myself and get ready. It was almost dawn. 

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<3 y'all.