drowning in fire || j.jk

[하나]

it was interesting, to say the least. he was.., shy, if you could call it that.

he never helped anyone up, never touched anyone. he never offered his hand to shake, he never could. he would move away if you tried to touch him.

"is something wrong?" i ask. he shakes his head, staring off into the distance.

i try to reach for him, but he moves backwards, about to grab my hand, stopping it mid-air and staring at me.

"don't touch me."

i lower my hand, hurt. "what is going on?!" i snap, completely fed up with his act. "you've been playing at this act for so long! why can't anyone touch you?" i huff.

now he looks hurt. "what do you mean..? i'm not playing at any act.." he says, his voice small and starting to crack.

"you're acting like you're special! like no one is allowed to touch you because they'll give you some deadly disease! what is wrong with you, jungkook?! what is wrong?!" i scream, pushing my hands into his chest.

i shriek immediately, my hands burning. i look at him, bewildered.

"that's why.., you're yelling at me for no reason.." i see a tear drip from his dark eyes, glossy with tears. "i can't help it.., aya, i really can't." his voice is completely cracked, wavering with every word that comes out from between his pink lips.

my voice doesn't waver. "i'm not falling for your tricks, jungkook." he looks hurt.

"tricks..?" tears are dripping faster now, coating his cheeks in a light glimmer, the sun reflecting off of the saddening sight.

"is our friendship deteriorating..? what did.." he chokes up, like someone grabbed him by the neck, closing his airways. he looks down at his feet, wiping his eyes.

"if you're going to be an emotional baby and play dumb tricks on me, get out. i don't want you here anymore." i snap.

he looks up at me, his eyes tinted a shade of light pink. "what have i.." he chokes up once again. "out!" i yell.

"but.." he tries. "i said get out! get out of here you fucking liar!" i scream.

"aya!" he inhales, choking. "please..- let me
talk!" his breathing is picked up and hardly there. "i'm not joking, i'm not doing anything wrong! why are you yelling at me? why do i need to leave?" he yells, his voice a whisper at the same time.

"all i'm doing is trying to protect you from getting hurt! but you won't listen to me!" he huffs quietly. "but if you don't want me here, then i'll leave. just like you've wanted me to."

he looks me in the eyes one more time before turning on his heel and pausing at the door, exhaling and turning the knob, walking out and slamming the door.

i watch him as he leaves, regretting everything i just said. "i'm sorry.." i whisper. "i'm so sorry.." i shut the door and sit on the floor, staring down and feeling a cold tear drip down my cheek, down onto the floor in a small puddle of emotion.

i just basically ended the only friendship i had left.

i pull my phone from my pocket, pressing his number.

it rings and rings, until it switches to voicemail.

"hello, this is jeon jungkook. please leave a message and i will reply as quickly as possible."

i sigh, my voice choked up.

"jungkook, i'm sorry. you won't hear this, and i know you won't, you've blocked me by now. i'm sorry about the things i said." i take a pause. trying to catch my breathing. "i hope you find someone better."

i stare at the screen for what seems like eternity, the sound of my choked up breathing going into the microphone. i do it until i can't hold it in, a shrieking cry i couldn't control.

i press the end call button.

what have i done.

j e o n s

word count: 666