drowning in fire || j.jk

[두]

i've been sitting alone in my room the past week.

silence.

just silence, the way i can concentrate.

until there's a knock on my front door.

i stand up, walking toward it and opening the door, not paying attention.

"hello, would you li-.." i slam the door immediately, not caring. everything in my mind has been about jungkook. i don't know what he's doing.

i ruined the only thing he had, i was the only one he had to talk to. now he'd be like me. alone, useless and bored.

i've ruined it.

i walk back to my room, back to the night i loved the most.

"you know that you're beautiful?" he asks. "why are you saying that?"

"'cause you are." he shrugs, stepping closer to me. "well, thanks, but we both know that isn't true." i laugh. "but it is true."

"i won't argue with you. but you're definitely lying to make me feel better."

"mind if i do something? it might hurt a bit but i've wanted to since i met you." i shrug, and he leans in, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist and gently pushes his lips to mine.

he was right, it burns, and so do his arms.

i ignore the burning of his lips against mine, and finally let myself relax, leaning more into his lips.

when he pulls away, i shiver when the cold air touches my waist.

i smile softly at him. his face is tinted a bright pink and i giggle. "don't giggle at me!"

the memory fades from my mind like the friendship we had.

we loved each other, sure, but we both knew in our hearts it wouldn't work out, especially when we both knew we would never be affectionate toward each other. we would stay locked in our own boxes.

my phone beeps with a new voice mail.

i look at my phone, questioning who would be sending me a voicemail.

i unlock my phone and click on the voice mail, and on comes a shaky, weak voice that i can only recognize as him.

"he-hey! how- how have you b-been?" there's a moment of silence, then a distant voice in the background comes up.

"jungkook, let her go, there's no reason you need to cry over her."

"she's my best friend!" he yells. "you don't have the right to tell me who i should let go!" his voice sounds cracked, like he's been screaming for a couple of hours.

"an-anyway," he still has his usual stutter. "i've- i've been good, uhm." a moment of silence again. "i-i miss you." he exhales, his breath shaky.

"i- i don't think you're ever going to hear this, but-.. look. i heard your, uhm, message. and i-i forgive you. i really hate.." he chokes. "to uhm, see you cry over me." my eyes are now filled with tears, ready to overflow any second.

"i want to assure you that.. there's no- there's no reason to cry." he gives a short and light laugh.

"i still believe in you, you know you can do anything. and- and- people move on. i-i'm okay with- with that."

my pants are tinted darker with the tears draining out of my eyes.

"i- i hope you're okay."

i inhale, exhale. and repeat.

"i love you."

and it ends there.

"no!" i scream. "no, no, no!" i'm bawling my eyes out, quick to grab my phone and press record. "jungkook, please don't think i've moved on, i still want you, i still need you in my life."

i'm talking quickly, i need to slow down.

my voice gets quieter and cracks.

"please.., don't leave me."

j e o n s

word count: 624