Nothing Mattered

Landon's POV: Nothing Mattered But Her

I knew it that night. I knew I was going to jump. It was too much. Seventeen fucking years old, and I was going to end it. But, I figured Seattle has the most suicide cases in the country, so at least I had that to blame it on.

It was cold. Not just typical cold, but an eerie type of cold. An ominous type of cold. I saw my breath in the moonlight each time I exhaled. It was like a tiny, gossamer sliver of my soul retreated from my body in terror of what was going to happen.

I stood there with my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket. I looked at the remains of a carnival, bathed in a silver glow from the full moon. I couldn't help but think that this was the perfect place to die. Roller coasters and game booths, food trailers and fun houses. There were those spinning tea cup rides, the giant swings, and the kiddy rides. It seemed like a fun place to die. Poetic.

I sighed away another piece of my soul and walked to the big Ferris wheel back in the corner by the kiddy rides. I jumped over the 3-foot fence to the platform and walked into the rusty control booth. That place just fucking screamed tetanus. Not that it mattered at that point. I flipped all the switches to the on position, but nothing worked.

"FUCK!"

I kicked the the fuse box out of frustration. Immediately, I heard mechanical whirring and the lights switched on and the wheel started spinning. Fucking typical.

I stood on the platform as the carts went by, their wind brushing its cold lips against my cheeks. I watched the flashing lights winking and taunting me. I watched as a blue cart came closer and I jumped into it. When I was at just about halfway up, the ride stopped.

"Fuck."

I decided this would have to be good enough. I pulled the folded paper containing my last words to this fucked up world out of my pocket. I set it on the bench seat in the cart and kicked the door open. My stomach tied itself in a knot. The wind was stronger up here, and it whispered in my ear. Its many voices urged me on. I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. Hot tears burned my eyes. This was it. My life was over. Right here. I dangled my foot out of the cart. Then I heard it.

"Hey!" I thought I imagined it.

"Hey!" Again I heard it.

Even though yelling, the voice sounded beautiful. Not in a typical, high pitched sweet way. But in a real way. I shook my head and focused. I didn't want anybody to have to see this. What kind of a sick, pathetic human being did this to a complete stranger? I deserved to die.

I heard a voice in the cart, but couldn't focus on the words. But then I felt a hand on my shoulder. A gentle hand. A soothing hand.

"Please" said this entity that I had decided must be an angel.

I slowly pulled my foot back into the cart and turned around. At this point, my angel theory was proven correct. Her face was illuminated by the moon. Her hazel eyes stared from a pale face and hypnotized me. She had small, delicate features that melted what was left of a heart in my chest.

"What're you doing up here?" she asked in that voice.

I could see her breath. It seemed her soul was simply revealing itself rather than escaping.

"I was... just... looking." I stammered, my voice hoarse.

I looked at my shoes in embarrassment. She put her hand on my chin and lifted my face, giving me the privilege of looking at hers again. My heart raced.

"Ya know you can look without dangling your feet off the edge..." She said, sitting in the same sparkling bench seat as my note, "They have rules on these things ya know? The biggest one being 'Keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.'"