Mr.Sunshine | sope [COMPLETED]

9. The Last

가끔씩 나도 내가 무서워 자기 혐오와
다시 놀러 와 버린 우울증 덕분에

Visiting Hoseok's grave was a difficult thing to do but Yoongi often found himself in that cemetery talking to his best friend who was beneath the grass. The orange leaves were falling calmly as the blonde leaned against the raven haired male's headstone. He would often come and talk to the other about things he'd been doing which wasn't much. He'd complain about how little he'd been sleeping.

He hadn't been eating much either, things had gone completely downhill ever since his first love had left. He'd lost weight and gotten skinnier, his skin had turned more pale from lack of sunlight as he stopped opening the curtains in his apartment. He stopped answering phone calls and texts, never even bothering to look at his phone. He spent a lot of time at the cemetery, and sometimes brought his tape player. He would sing to Hoseok by himself and found himself playing Hoseok's tape when he was at home just to hear the other's voice again even if it hurt him. The hole in his heart became bigger and he felt emptier but he didn't bother to fix it. It was hurting too much for him to fix. He'd given up and everyone saw it except for him. 

People began to think he was losing his mind although Jungkook and the others would often check up on him. They always knew where to find him, sitting next to Hoseok's headstone singing to him. Namjoon knew Yoongi wasn't feeling well, each time he tried to help him he'd always get the same answer. "I'm fine, I don't need anything." He would always say. It didn't matter how much anyone tried, they never got anywhere. They never made any progress. 

"So Hoseok, I made another song for you." There was a smile on the blonde male's lips as he tugged a tape out of the pocket of his hoodie. His tape player was sitting in the grass. "You want to hear it?" He let out a small laugh but there were tears cascading down his cheeks. "Of course you do." His shaky hands placed the tape into the tape player, pressing play. His own music began to fill his ears as the sound ran through the cemetery. He reached forward, turning it up so Hoseok could hear it. "I hope you enjoy it." He spoke, the song continued and when it ended a dead silence hit. The blonde was still crying, the sound of his sniffles were the only thing breaking the calm silence. "I really miss you Hoseok. I wish you could come back, it's hard without you." His voice was shaking. "I wish I could be where you are. I just wish you were back."

"I miss you, Mr. Sunshine." 

-

Yoongi pushed his apartment door open, placing his tape player down on the floor with the tape still sitting in it. He slid his shoes off on the mat and walked down the hallway. His eyes were red and puffy from crying next to Hoseok's grave, he also still had dark circles beneath them. His cheeks were stained with tear streaks and his hair was messy. It was nearly 4 in the morning and he hadn't gotten a blink of sleep since he'd just come back from visiting Hoseok. His throat felt rough and scratchy as if he were getting sick. He wouldn't be surprised though. Sometimes when he went to see his friend it would rain and he never bothered to bring an umbrella. He'd sit in the rain and continue to talk and sing to the raven haired male beneath the ground through the rain. 

He brushed his hands through his blonde hair, he hadn't bothered to re-dye his roots which were growing in. The black against the blonde looked good on him though even if he was a complete mess at the moment. He could hear his phone ringing in the living room, not bothering to look at it or pick it up. He hadn't touched his phone since the day of the funeral which was about a week ago. He was surprised the battery had lasted for so long, he was sure it would die soon. 

He liked hearing his ringtone though, the lyrics of the song reminded him of his friendship with Hoseok. Sometimes he'd cry to it. 

The tired male forced himself to walk into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator which was mostly empty except for a few boxed up leftovers from restaurants he'd went to a few days ago. Since he wasn't eating often, he'd only eat maybe once a day if he felt like it. He never felt the sensation of hunger anymore. It was difficult for him to get out of bed, much more difficult than it was in the past. 

He spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling and thinking, he didn't sleep in his bed anymore. He only took naps in his studio. It was terrible for the other's to watch. Namjoon noticed the other became his old self again but it was even worse than last time. Jimin tried countless times with Jungkook to feed Yoongi and cheer him up but then again, nothing was every working. He'd muster maybe a small laugh if they were lucky and always gave them a fake smile. 

The blonde walked out of the kitchen slowly, something in him wanted to go back and see Hoseok again but he'd been over at the cemetery all day and into the night but at this point he didn't care. He wasn't taking care of himself anymore. Nothing was the same. He watched his phone ring again then turned his head away and pushed his shoes back on. He left his keys on the floor beside the tape player and left the apartment. 

He figured he could walk to the pharmacy from where his apartment was. The short male stepped down the sidewalk towards the city lights. It was only a ten minute walk from his place, stopping in his tracks in front of the pharmacy and staring at the 24-hour open building before entering. His gaze ran down the aisles, looking for what he needed. He shook his head and approached the young woman working at the front desk. She was a little startled at first but politely smiled at the broken male in front of her afterwards. "Can I help you?" 

"Yes, you can." 

-

The sun began to rise and Yoongi was still awake, sitting on his bed as he contemplated what he was going to do next. There was a small bag sitting in the pocket of his hoodie, waiting for him to open it. The male stood up and grabbed his water bottle, stepping down the stairs and into the kitchen. He filled the bottle up and closed it. He glanced at his phone one last time before exiting his apartment for the second time that morning. He held his keys and shoved them into the ignition, starting his car. He drove down the road to the cemetery to see Hoseok once again.

Once he pulled up, he pulled the keys from the ignition. He took them with him as he walked through the gate he'd walked through a million times that week. He approached the familiar headstone, sitting down beside it. "I'm back Hoseok. How are you doing now? I hope you're doing good." He spoke softly. "I'll see you soon." 

He hesitantly reached into his pocket and tugged out the bag. He stared at it for what seemed like forever before removing what was inside the bag. He stared at the orange pill bottle, tilting his head to the side before opening it. 

There were 75 of them inside the bottle. 

He glanced at Hoseok's headstone, giving it a small smile and pouring the pills into his shaking hands. Tears started to fall down his cheeks like a waterfall. "I'll see you soon, Hobi. I'll see you soon." He repeated as he slowly lifted the pills to his lips, swallowing one, then two, then three, then four, then five.. then ten, then twenty.. 

He continued to swallow them without hesitation until the bottle was empty. His water bottle was empty too, leaning against Hoseok's headstone and smiling. "I'll be there soon Hoseok." He softly said, his voice barely audible as he began to close his eyes. 

Eventually the blonde fell asleep, his body falling off the headstone and landing right in front of it. Hours passed and slowly the functions in his body stopped working. He became completely limp against the grass as his breath stopped. The only sound filling the cemetery was the sound of crickets and birds chirping. 

"I'm here Hoseok."

End.