Decisions || Toni Kroos, Erik Durm [REWRITE]

[0] re-introduction

This entire part is an author's note. It is long and very sentimental; read at your own risk. 
The first chapter is coming soon.

Hello, everybody!

((I'm posting this as part of the original Decisions instead of as a new book so that its original readers can all see that this mega-throwback of a story is BACK and ready to do some BUSINESS.))

I hope you're all doing well. It has certainly been a long time since I last touched this book — since any of you have either, probably. This book has been and will always be special to me, as it is the first thing I ever began and finished writing. It was crazy, cringe-worthy, self-contradictory, and sometimes funny. Often, it made absolutely no sense at all. Looking back on parts of it, I can't help but cringe at the things my younger self did not know (i.e. you don't have to cuss in every sentence you write to prove how 'mature' you are). Yet I loved it, and I think many of my original (and later) readers did, too, judging by the hilarious, supportive comments. It was, in its essence, a banal story about a love triangle that read almost like an overly melodramatic telenovela at times. Almost always highly improbable, with no character acting like a real human being at any given point. Ah, one's first story! 

(Fun question: if you can remember any of it, what was your favourite part? I like how Rowan totally forgot that she and Erik had once dated for a while lol.)

When I wrote Decisions the first time around, at the tender age of 13 (!), there weren't all that many football fanfics on Wattpad, or anywhere really. I began writing this story shortly after the World Cup began in 2014, updating at an astonishing speed. More and more amazing people came onto this site and joined this fandom, making it a family. Most of us have since grown up and forgotten to log in to our old accounts, checking in maybe once a year or so. Many of us follow each other on Instagram, though, so for me, personally, it's always nice to see a face that reminds me of the good old days when I would somehow spend hours writing every day (whereas I can now manage maybe a few hours a week, if at all) and made some really cool, diverse friends through our shared loves of 1) writing and 2) football. 

(If any of these old friends of mine are reading this, please tell me you remember our group chats!)

Since those early days, though, this website has changed a lot in absentia. Change is natural, though, and while I miss the magic of when everybody knew everyone and was constantly online, I know things will never be like that again for me. That is okay, of course. Nostalgia is natural, too. It is this nostalgia which brought me to attempt to read the thousands and thousands of words I once wrote, chronicling the utterly unbelievable story of Rowan (an extremely German name, right?) and Toni and Erik — and it also brought me to want to rewrite it all and make it better. For all parties involved: you, me, and most of all, those poor, poor characters that I condemned to lives of caricature. 

In rewriting Decisions, I aim to do a few things:
1) Try to improve myself as a writer
2) Try to improve the characters and plot I created
3) Revise the above to be more plausible (and also more accurately portray a potential World Cup experience / love triangle? I have seen a few DFB documentaries, so I have a better idea of what actually went down now... I think? lol)
4) Try to bring back a little of that magic I and many others felt in the early days of this fandom

I don't think I'll ever re-upload the original chapters. They are still sitting here, as drafts, but they are honestly so embarrassing for me. Since I wrote almost all of those words (about 50 chapters' worth, mind you), I have started and finished high school and am about to enter into university (I also attained some level of fluency in German! 13-year-old me is crying in a fit of jealous rage). I hope that those of you who read the original story understand that I just don't feel comfortable having all those swear word-ridden chapters up for the world to see anymore. I also disagree with the behaviours of many of the characters (for example, Thomas was very controlling! And sometimes, Erik and Toni were just downright creepy! I don't know how I never saw that at the time, but it shows that with time, we can all learn things to improve both ourselves and the world).

(However, if you do wish to take a trip down memory lane, message me and I can share a document with you containing the full, unabashed original version of Decisions. Last World Cup, when I was in Germany for five weeks, I arduously copied and pasted them into a Google Doc so that I can have them forever and never touch them. Because nostalgia. And sentimentality. Don't say I didn't warn you at how awful it is — especially the beginning. One word describes it: YIKES)

I think I've said everything I wanted (and needed) to say concerning this little project of mine. It all boils down to two main things, which I didn't even put in the previous list (I like lists, okay?).

1. Writing Decisions changed my life. 

It put me into contact with so many amazing people. Words literally can't describe how thankful I am for those friendships I made. Even if I don't really talk to you now, just know that you had an impact on me. Everyone I met opened my eyes to cultures I never really knew much about before. I learned British slang. I learned more about religions and ethnicity and races, history and geography and foreign politics, gender and sexual orientation and self-identity. It was something I really needed at that age, because I always felt very lost and never knew who I was throughout my life. To be honest, I'm still not sure who I am. But finding a community where I felt accepted for being me, for being from more than one place and for liking foreign things, felt wonderful. It was an amazing experience which introduced me to my best friend, whom I love to death. If I hadn't written Decisions, she would have never messaged me or known who I was! Life is crazy like that.

This story also helped me realise my love of writing — which then led me to become interested in journalism, photography, video-making, grammar and editing (my personal second favourites, after writing), character building, world building, etc. My head is constantly swimming with ideas, and I feel as though I never have enough time to record them all. And I don't know if this would have happened, if not for writing this story. Decisions started a domino effect in my life, which ultimately encouraged me to get out of my shell, become (slightly) more extroverted, and embrace other peoples' stories, because as cliché as it sounds, we all have a story to be told, so long as someone is willing to listen.  

2. I forgot what my second reason was because I got so swept up writing that ^

No, really. It has completely slipped my mind. I will come and update it later, if I ever remember lol.

Thank you if you got through this massive, over-the-top, soppy author's note. I promise I will not write another of such length ever again (in this story, at least). 

Will I finish rewriting this? Honestly, I don't know. I might try to make it a lot shorter so that I can finish before September (when term starts for me), but we shall see where life takes us — and this story. I'm making no promises, only that I will try my best.

I love you all. You changed my life. This horrible, cliché story changed my life. Germany changed my life. Football changed my life. Wattpad changed my life. Thank you for that. I cannot thank you enough.

All the love in the world and forever yours,
Alina 

P.S. The rewritten first chapter is coming soon. If you read it, I hope you enjoy it!