Things No One Says Out Loud

#6

God , We need to talk.....
Why is it that whenever I feel like , "oh i got this figured out." everything just flips . Like seriously .... EVERY GODDAMN THING... How ??? Why ??? Like, I try so hard to be nice to every one and , you know, do the right thing then why.... Why me ... ? I have friends that do nothing and get everything . their families are supportive and understanding , but mine..... oh no no no ... I have to fight to get what I want. and then also I am the bad person because I am not listening to anyone . I mean... Really ??!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!! These days that's all I do , I just listen to everyone and say nothing , cause' I feel like if I do say anything I will be wasting my energy because no one is going to listen to be me anyway ... so I rather just shut up. 

Oh and do not get me started on friends ... ever since I was in first grade I have had by best friends leave ... like everyone I'm close with just leaves .. It happened in 1st , 2nd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 10th and 11th grade .... {p.s. I'm in 11th so... yeah} It's not that they are just people who are leaving , but they were people that I trusted with most of shit and them leaving made me feel soo alone at that time and a lot more after . This is also probably the reason I have trust issues . I mean I look people straight in the eye and lie without batting an eyelashes. Is that what you wanted to teach me , how to lie , how to not trust people ? even if everyone around me trusts me and tells me their secrets I still won't tell mine cause I feel like no one cares or that I'll just burden them.... Like I know in this world and time , being emotional is not the best but being only practical is also not the best thing cause' when you're in school everyone then thinks you're not normal or/and that you're boring so ..But sad truth , that's me .... And it may not be the best thing but I like it.... Makes me feel that i can handle reality alot better than most people. 

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