Two Hearts in a Cold Street

11. After

He disappeared. 

Literally, practically and undeniably vanished.

Nothing left after that night. He didn't send me any message, not even good night or telling me he's back home safely as he promised. And me being so dense and naive, I sent him message in the next morning, asking if he was okay.

Do you know what he replied to me?

Charlie : hey, are you back home safely?
Dean : yes.
Charlie : thank God, thank you Dean, I have a good time.

And there's no reply

Yes.
Y.E.S.
Only three cold alphabets and nothing more.

I didn't know why his message were short and cold, I did want to confront him, but who am I to him, though? I have no right or whatsoever.

Maybe he was busy, maybe he will come around next days. That's what I kept telling myself.

So I left him alone, giving him distance that he might wanted.

Despite all the bad thoughts popping in my head, maybe he didn't find me attractive, maybe he disappointed with me, maybe I'm not good enough to match his expectation, maybe he realized that he could do better than befriend me, maybe he only wanted to be polite, spending night with me even though he actually didn't want to.

I didn't realize how long I've been space out, until I felt warm tears on my cheeks and Kyunghee wrapped her arms around me. Giving me moral support as best as she could. 

How ironic that our hearts can still get hurt by something we already saw coming.

She said nothing, but I knew her better. She just held herself to not adding more pain that I've been in.

And my days at Seoul just ended like that.

----

Days became weeks, weeks became months. I thought I know him better, but I guess I don't know him at all. I tried my best to forget him, to live my life, to keep myself busy and distracted. But it didn't run smoothly because however, talking with someone everyday and stopped doing it with no reason apparently destroy you slowly. I didn't mean to be over dramatic, but you could you picture yourself get used together with someone's existence and suddenly everything changed, you guys stopped talking and somehow you feel lonely.

And all I do is  wondering if he ever missed me, I feel stupid for caring too much.

"That bad?" Mitchell asked almost whispered, handing out my favorite bottle of yogurt to me. There were only him and Kyunghee that I went to pour all my feelings out, one because both of them have known me for longest time, two because I didn't want my personal issue consumed by too many people. Even in doodle club, it was only Mitchel and he promised he wouldn't tell anyone. So when someone asked how about my crush, Mitchell will reply for me with 'mind your own business, dude.' half jokingly, because I'm pretty sure his expression hardened everytime someone mentioned it. 

"Uh huh." I found myself nodding then drowned in my own thoughts, my fingers fumbling against bottle's cap.

"Just cry.." he mumbled, wrapping his arm around me. I love how sweet Mitchell can be, but I love more when he annoy me or mess around with me. He treated me like I were a fragile glass that could break anytime.

"No." But the truth was I already sighing with teary eyes. Of course I cried, until I lost count. Every single time when I have something exciting or unpleasant I used to tell Dean, but now whenever I was about to reach my phone, I realized it couldn't be like it used to be. And it hurts so bad.

"I'm not gonna tell you that there's a lot of guy out there and you need to move on, I'm one hundred percent sure you know it. But those guys out there will not mean anything if there's only one guy, which is this stupid guy that you only want." he has his point, and I couldn't agree more.

I didn't hate Mitchell for talking the truth, I hate myself for being so stupid.

"Still don't want me to know his name?" he asked, but I knew he was smiling.

"No, I don't want to mention his name." I squeaked, my voice betrayed me and I was sobbing harder in Mitchell's embrace.

He tighten his arms around me, pulling me deeper in his embrace. I felt so embarrassed, crying over a guy who didn't even think about me. I felt so ashamed thinking that Dean ever feel the same as I am.

"I have no idea that I will be your babysitter, like this." he commented, chuckling slightly. He was trying to cheer me up with his short roasting.

"Me either." I mumbled against his chest, wiping my tears away. I swore I look like a mess.

"But you did a good job, Char." he said, patting me lightly on my back.

But I said nothing, I just wanted to hear whatever he said, his encouragement, his support, his joke. Anything, anything that could make my pain go away.

"A guy can be so dense and stupid, moreover when he knows how powerful his existence in someone's life. You did good for not chasing him, because you know.. as a guy myself, if a guy wants to be with you, then he will do anything to be with you. No fucking excuse, period."

His words sank in me,  Mitchell didn't say it because I'm his bestfriend so it will help me feel better. He said it because it was the truth, if a guy wants you, then he will comes to you.

It doesn't mean that girl can't fight for love, but.. major reminder for all of us, sis.. No respond is the powerful sign, read that.

I felt better somehow, after crying and sobbing on Mitchell's T-shirt, listening him talking, no judgment in his words, not even for Dean. I'm grateful for how hard he tried to be objective as he could, and I'm blessed having him as bestfriend, beside Kyunghee.

"Thank you, Mitchy." I said, genuinely feel thankful for his kindness and his friendship. He unwrapped his arms around me, as if it was my cue to stop the dramatic scene.

"Don't sweat it, my arms and jiu-jitsu move still waiting for command." he joked, flexing his toned arms in front of me.

"Beating him won't change anything, though." I said, biting my lips. I couldn't even picture who's going to win between Dean and Mitchell, Dean's probably few inch taller than Mitchell but I'm sure Mitchell wouldn't give in easily.

"Wow, my Charlie has grown upppppp." he put his arm around my shoulder and shaking me, proudly exclaiming how he proud of me.

"Shut up." I jabbed his side jokingly.

"So, are you done being cry baby now? Because if you are, then you can help me out to prepare my 22nd birthday party." he grinned and I looked at him, confused as ever.

"But, your birthday still over a month away?"  17th May was still a month two weeks away. Why did he want to celebrate his 22nd birthday out of the blue? He didn't even celebrate his 21st birthday, he always go away somewhere on his birthday,  what's going on with him?

He rolled his eyes then turned at me, "I want it, okay? I can't go back to US on my birthday because those fuckin college exams, I don't want to feel alone. I need my friends, I need party."

"Fair point." I agreed, who wants to be alone in their birthday? Oh it's me, I was like that before. But not anymore, because now I know better that be around your friends and they care about you is the best feeling.

"Then get your ass off from this fuckin cold bench, shopping we go!" he pushed me gently to get off from the bench until I stand on my feet.

I didn't have any plan either, so I just can tag along wherever he wants to.

"I heard shopping can ease the broken heart, even the shitty one." he shot me a mocking look, which I replied only with pinching his arm, hard and full of passion.

"FUUU-- AWWW!" before he finished cursing, I already add another hit on his arm for bonus.