Something Close to Normal

Chapter 2 - After the Beginning

Needless to say, it wasn't the last time. I was in eighth grade at the time with only a couple of really close friends. It was a Wednesday when the first panic attack occurred, and I missed school for the rest of that week. My mind felt like the static on a broken television screen, but staying home was mom's idea. She was afraid that I would "over-exert myself" and have another panic attack. 

My friend Whitley was the first, and only one of my friends to notice or acknowledge my absence. She texted me Thursday morning: 

"How dare u leave me alone in this place, Thea! Where r u??" 

I didn't answer. I also ignored the phone call around lunchtime and the text after school. She attempted to reach out a few other times throughout the next couple of days, but I never answered. Not until Saturday that is. I was in the kitchen enjoying a healthy breakfast all by myself when I heard a few gentle taps on the front door. I waited for a minute, hoping whoever it was would go away. I was in no mood to be sociable after all. But then the knocking came again. 

"Delthea  Jones, I know you're in there!" The frustrated words of Whitley Day echoed throughout the empty house. 

I groaned and pulled myself out of the bar stool I sat in, I opened the front door to find a concerned friend, "How'd you know I was home, Whit?" 

"I called your mom." She answered plainly, "I've been worried sick what's going on?" She invited herself inside and took a seat on the couch.

I sighed gently nudging the door to swing shut. "I'm sorry, Whitley. I didn't know how to explain it to you." I suppose to an extent that was true, but if I was being honest with myself I was kind of embarrassed about it. I took a seat beside her on the couch. 

Whitley's life was nearly flawless, she didn't really have much to worry about, everybody loved her. She was confident, especially when it came to who she was. 

"Come on, Thea. You know you can tell me anything." She casually slipped a hair-tie off of her wrist and tied her curly fiery red hair into a bun, then looked at me. Her concerned expression was enough of a guilt trip for me.

"I had a panic attack Wednesday night." I admitted, "I was in the ER for a few hours..." I paused and took a deep breath "And I didn't want to tell you, because it was scary and a bit embarrassing." 

"Wait so..." She paused "so what does that mean?" 

I shrugged "I wish I knew. Dad's hoping it would only happen that one time, mom already wants me to consider seeing a therapist." I explained. 

Whitley took both of my hands in hers "Look, Thea, I love you to death," 

"But..." I breathed, anticipating her words. 

"But you totally ghosted me for three days!" She fused, "I can't help you if you don't let me!" 

"I know, Whitley, I just..." I could feel my chest tightening, it was becoming increasingly difficult to draw in a breath. 

"You just what??" Her frustration was clearly reflected in her tone, "I was crazy worried about you." 

"Whitley," I stood from my seat, "I can't do this with you right now." The room was spinning, my breathing pattern was now similar to that of a terribly out of shape man attempting to run a 5k. 

"Delthea?" Whitley looked at me confused, "What's wrong?" 

"Call...dad." I gasped, I began moving towards my room but fell on my knees. I couldn't think. I couldn't focus. And I couldn't breathe. 

All I could bear to mentally process was my own gasps for oxygen. But I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks onto my shirt. After what felt like forever I could hear the muffled voices of my parents speaking frantically to Whitley. 

In time, my father had managed to talk me through breathing normally again. At that point, I was sitting on the ground, hugging my knees close to my chest. 

"You're alright, Thea. Everything is okay." My dad attempted to console me. His comforting hand gently rubbed my back. 

I rested my chin on my knees, my breathing was more or less normal, but my body was still tense as I simply sat there taking slow deep breaths. "Where's Whitley?" I asked after a moment. 

"We sent her home," Mom explained, "Maybe you could call her later." 

I nodded, "Maybe..." A part of me checked that off as wishful thinking though. 

Dad had to carry me to my bed, and I think I slept the whole rest of the weekend. I tried returning to school Monday, promising my parents that I would be fine. But that was wishful thinking too. I had another panic attack that day in the middle of the cafeteria. 

I wish I could tell you that it wasn't as bad the next day, I would be lying if I did. It didn't get better, and at that point in life, I wasn't sure if it ever would...

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Thanks so much for reading everybody! If you liked this chapter leave a comment and give it a vote! I'll have the next chapter published real soon! Happy reading!    -Alayna R.