An everlasting torture

14 July 4027

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The scent of lavender and sight of glass walls grounds me to reality.

I do this sometimes.
I lose my train of thought to memories I can barely bring to the surface of my consciousness.

It's surreal but I've been a captive of my own mind, suffering from selective amnesia for years; perhaps I'm not meant to know what secrets remain vaulted in the depths of my subconscious.

With no remaining family or friends, all I have is my husband. Everything from before our wedding is a dark blank space. I cannot remember anything at all.

Sometimes, I wonder whether it's truly worth finding out what my mind has forgotten. Perhaps my mind is trying to protect me from a traumatic experience.

"Hama...?" almost like a distant echo. "Hama..?"

My body, frozen in the comfortable therapy chair, fails to register where I am.

For a moment, I am paralyzed in my mind. But slowly, my eyes look through the Light Chamber to Dr Kudza.

It is blue, and none of my past memories are materializing. It feels like they don't want to.

She is calmly saying something and giving me the hand sign to leave the Light Chamber; I nod and on cue she switches off the system from her clipboard.

There are people who are billed handsomely for their professions and my psychiatrist is one of them. She even dresses like a high profile psychiatrist... grey slacks, white blouse and a lab coat topped off with a badge donning her name etched on the lapel.

In addition to paying for her services, I am paying for the artificially intelligent system that reads my mind and helps me piece together my missing memory.

"You did good, we got further today. I'm really proud of the progress we are making," she tells me.

Her kind eyes are peering at me proudly over her wide brimmed spectacles. I feign a smile, blinking several times to recalibrate my mind.

"Did I mention that it's my husbands birthday today?" I randomly burst out. I remember because I haven't yet bought him a gift... What do you get a man with everything?

"Any plans for tonight?" She asks, removing the hologram insert from my temple, it leaves no marks.

"His company department is throwing him a dinner," I say. "You could come if you want..."

"Hama," she interrupts me. "You'll be ok."

Arguing was futile.
Dr Kudza had a way of arm twisting me into situations I would rather not be in.

Even those I had a duty to be in.

"We've been discussing this for weeks. He might get his promotion tonight as well and it would be good for you to see another living being other than Zaxxle."

I chuckle, anxiety flaring up into a ball inside my chest. I want to make excuses, I want to hide more, I want to be alone.

"If you need me, I'm a call away." She reassures.

.......

Zaxxle is snoring gently in his cat jungle when I arrive at the penthouse.

There is no noise save for news playing from the main bedroom.