Relative Beginnings 1: Big Bang

Chapter 4

"Let's roll, Ethan Hunt," flashed the text from Doug. I knew the next few lines would probably be joking around about Scientology.

Sure enough, "Your Scientology security detail is waiting. And they are thirsty."

I chuckled and answered with, "On my way down."

Doug was leaned up against my building whistling a tune I hadn't heard before. "A new one," I asked reaching out and ruffling his hair.

"Hey, cool it. I'm thinking tonight might be a lucky night at the Left-Handed Bell." Doug was referring to our favorite pub in Belltown. He was also referring to his ability to only put enough energy into single night relationships.

"Alright, Dougy, whatever you say!"

Doug grunted. "So is our girlfriend coming out to grace us with her brilliant presence?"

I felt my pocket buzz and looked at my phone. 'You're late.'

"Yep, she's already there," I said while typing a quick reply.

"Well in that case, have her order us a round of that new stout, Winch, was telling us about the other night." Doug had his head down as he pulled out his small lyric pad and began scribbling furiously. He muttered, "Poured me a thick stout like that's what life is about." He looked up grinning.

"A song about a stout? Is that your newest love song?"

"Well at least she won't break my heart." Doug tried his best solemn look.

I sighed, "Well, I'm not going to tell Jessica to order a round for us. You can send that order."

"Well, that's a load of codswallop." Doug punched me in the arm. "Aww, is little Ethy Weethy afraid of big bad Jessy Wessy," he said while pretending to look frightened.

"Shut it, poopy pants. Just... you know... you can ask if you want to."

"OK. Don't get your panties all twisted." Doug brought out his ten year old flip phone and fumbled through an eight word message to Jess.

"I'm sure she will be more than happy to serve your highness," I replied with no desire to hide the thick as molasses sarcasm.

"Well, you're in a super happy mood, Mr. Pickles." Doug slapped me on my back. "Bad day, dude?"

"What? Oh, no. Not in particular. I guess I just got to thinking of my grandfather again today." I looked down at the ground feeling a little shameful for going after Doug.

"Come on, Eth. I know you really loved the guy, but you've got to realize that he is gone. He would want you to have fun and enjoy your life. You've got to let..."

"Let him go? Easy for you to say, you don't even care about your fam..." And then I cut myself off. Doug hadn't talked to his family for years. For good reason. They were pretty mean to Doug as a kid and when he left home there was not going away party for him.

"Eth, come on, man. No need to get all upset over this. It's been ten years. And, yeah, my family blows. So no situation is perfect." He stared at me and his eyes seemed to glow in the dark. Doug's unusual positivity was beaming in the crisp night air.

"OK, wise one. Yeah. You're right."

"Um, Ethan. I am always right. It is my curse. Now here is another truth. Let's drink our worries away!"

We both laughed as we turned onto 3rd Ave heading south.

I held the door open for Doug as he burst into the Left-Handed Bell, "OK, who wants to take on the dart master?" Several people laughed and one hand went up. "You're mine, Nancy."

"Umm, it's Steve, remember, Doug?"

"You bet, Nancy. Now get us some darts and I'll take a stout."

Steve looked dumbfounded at first. Then looked at his friends. They all shrugged their shoulders. He got up and walked to the bar grabbing some darts and putting in a drink order.

I shook my head partly in disbelief at how Doug gets away with these things and partly because I wondered why I didn't have the gumption that he did.

"Are you going to hang out with the dart douche or chat with me?"

I looked up to see Jessica standing by her chair with her arms crossed staring directly into my eyes.

My mouth went dry and I struggled to swallow as my throat had completely dried up.

"Uh. Hey, Jess. Um, yep. You bet. I will hang with you instead of..." I looked over in Doug's direction, "the master of disaster." The joking brought moisture back into my throat.

"Good. Thought so." Jessica sat down and pushed one of two beers toward an empty seat. "I bought you an ale and not your pal. Hey, that rhymed!"

I laughed and fell more at ease as I took the open seat. "How was school?"

"Blech. Absolutely crazy as we are starting to wind the quarter down. I have so many poorly written papers to grade that it makes my head spin. I'd rather not talk about it."

My mouth immediately lost moisture again. "Oh. I'm sorry I didn't mean..." my words hit dryness and I couldn't speak anymore.

"Oh God, Eth, you're so precious." She placed her warm hand on mine. "It's not your fault that times are crazy. You're so funny".

My face burned like the day Mt. St. Helens erupted.

"Blushing too. Even better. Now you are mine to mold and control!" Her face twisted into an evil grin as she let out a mock maniacal laugh, "Mwa ha ha ha ha."

I quickly grabbed the ale and held it up to my mouth longer than I needed; hiding any remaining signs of flushing. I boldly squeezed her hand and she removed hers, almost flinching. 'Idiot,' I thought to myself and my inflamed cheeks now reflected the color of shame.

It was Jessica's turn to blush as swooped up her glass and pointed to Doug. "Let's go see what the Boy Wonder is up!" She rose all too quickly for my taste and staggered over to Doug who was in the middle of teaching a lesson on how Uncle Tupelo changed the alt country world forever.

I arose in my shame and hunched my way over to the small group that had formed around Doug. I barely paid him any attention as I was replaying my little hand-squeezing manuever over and over in my mind. I quickly concluded that I was indeed an idiot and that any attempts to pursue Jessica would be filed under the "Delusions of Grandeur" category a la Han Solo.

The rest of the night was brief moments of amusement, buzzed lightheadedness, and silent kickings of my own ass in my mind. Basically, a pretty typical evening for me.