A BOOK OF MELANCHOLY

The Discovery Of Hope

I was stranded in a bottomless abyss crying out for help, but when I screamed the sound wouldn't come. Instead, I was faced with tears and a feeling of dread deep inside. A lack of hope that I had never felt before started to fill my body, soul, and mind. I fell to the floor and couldn't move. Why was I chosen to wear this unspeakable and horrid pain? Why was I here? Is there even a point to all of this? I just wanted it to end right there. Then I saw a faint light in the distance. I started to crawl over what felt like shards of glass biting at my arms and wrists. Then when the light was just out of reach, I heard a loud beep that sounded like screaming.

    My eyes snapped open as I raised my head to face another grueling Monday morning filled with rivers of coffee and a forest of papers. I got up and stepped into the loving embrace of the warm water. I got out and threw on my clothes, as usual, not caring about my own image. When I heard the screeching of the bus brakes. My sister didn’t tell me the bus had come. I sprinted after the bus with all of the energy in the body, which wasn’t much.  The bus outran me easily and I was left behind once again. I don’t live far from this school, so the walk wasn’t all that hard, but finding the motivation to keep going was.

    Another day of feeling like I don’t belong will await me. Those words echoed through my mind like a mouse in an abandoned home, yet I kept walking. The fear of what would happen if I did not was the only thing that kept me moving forward. As I approached the building, I sat against a pillar alone.  The voices of my peers sounded like a distant hum compared to the scream of the instrument playing in my ears. I didn't speak much because not even a brick wall would want to hear me speak, nor would it care about what I have to say.

    Even though I was alone, I still had faith deep down, I had a shred of hope deep in my soul hanging on as if it were dangling off a cliff over sharp rocks and freezing water. My hopes were just strong enough to keep me from rocketing into the horrifying fear and pain below. Then, while I was listening to music a few guys walked up to me with a grin that had a mixture of hate and boredom written on it. They looked at me and snatched my headphones away and tossed them. Their hands all grabbed me at once and lifted me up against the pillar. They called me horrible names and tossed me to the ground like discarded garbage. I reached for my headphones not saying a word as one stomped the device into the ground. The only thing that kept me company was now gone. I stood up and swung at one of them. My fist connected with his nose. His friends just laughed and grabbed me. The tall redheaded one, who I had just hit, punched me in the gut and shoved me to the ground. I got on my hand and knees trying to get up when he kicked me in the stomach knocking all the wind out of me.

    The faith I had was almost gone. Dwindling like star outshined by the sun’s light. The hope wasn’t completely gone yet since this wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. While I was laying there with no energy or strength left in my body, a guy came up to me. I closed my eye expecting to be kicked or at least spat on, however, this was not the case. He gave me his hand and helped me to my feet. He told me his name was Mark. I hadn’t talked to many people before so I froze and stuttered. I was barely able to string the letters together to tell him my name was Mike. He gave me a warm and gentle smile. We walked into the building together just chatting and getting to know each other. For once I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore, yet I felt hesitant to get close to this random person. I knew deep down that this was a one-time thing. I would be alone and stranded again by tomorrow morning, I was sure of it.

    The next day, I got up with an uneasy feeling. For once, I did not know what to expect from the place hope goes to die, and the bigger sit upon a throne of hate and anger. I did the same morning routine as always, except this time I asked my sister why she had left me behind. She looked at me annoyed by the question and rolled her eyes as if I knew the answer already. Deep down I did know. My sister never liked to be seen with her dumb older brother. She told her friends I was weird and she tells people we aren't blood-related, which we are, just so people don’t associate me with her. When I got on the bus I sat in the back just wanting to have some peace and quiet. While my body and mind rested I was interrupted by a plop next to me. When I opened my eyes startled I was greeted by a friendly smile. It was Mark, I didn’t realize he rode this bus since he had only just begun going to our school a few days prior. He had brown hair and dark green eyes. His voice was still pretty high, but not too high, Mark was the kind of guy to always wear sunglasses, even indoors because he thought it was cool. He also always wore jeans, a plain colored shirt, and a black jacket with a hood on the end.

    As we arrived at the school, I felt a beam of strength, energy, and happiness within my heart and mind. I walked over to the same pillar as I had every other day. My mind was racing in speeds that my mouth couldn't keep up with it. I kept stumbling over my words like a child learning to walk for the first time. My heart was beating like a hammer to a nail. I had never felt so accepted by any person in my life. From that day on, we ate lunch together, rode bikes together, and just hung out together. My luck had finally changed for the better. It felt as if the hope that was once about to fall was helped to be a much stronger and brighter hope.

    One day while we were eating together Mark looked a little conflicted and stressed. I asked him what was on his mind, but he was very dismissive and unwilling to talk about what was on his mind. Something didn’t feel right with him at all, I persisted but to no avail. He told me to meet him outside at exactly three. The day felt like a slow drag of teachers speaking and student writing as three seemed like it was only getting further from me with each passing moment.

    When the time had finally come, I was excited but scared. The thoughts of pain and fear forced their way into my mind. Then, I finally saw him approaching me with a look of unease. I felt dismayed and discomfort within my head. When finally came up to me, he looked tired. He wanted to apologize for earlier, he was scared people would hear what he had to tell me. He looked at me with a face I could only describe as confused and scared. He told me that he was gay. I was shocked and taken back by it at first. When I looked at him, he looked nervous. I gave him a reassuring smile and asked why it was a big deal. He told me that his parents didn’t like that.  He walked me behind the school and took off his glasses, I was horrified to see a wounded and beaten eye.He lifted his jacket sleeves to show cuts, burns, and bite marks. He had been treated worse than a rabid dog.

    He was scared to go home where he was mistreated. He saved me from the beatings, names, hatred, and injustice of my life, so I decided that we were going to put an end to it right then and there. He started to cry and embraced me. He was feeling weak due to all the stress and lack of eating much, except for lunch and the few scraps he could have at home, I sat him down and gave him what I had not eaten that day. He chomped down on it like an alligator to its prey. We called the police and waited for them to arrive. While we waited, he hugged me and thanked me for just listening and accepting him in his time of need. I reminded him that he was the one who helped me off the ground when I felt broken and used like a child’s old toy.

    When the officers arrived on the scene we told them everything he had seen and gone through. He was examined and taken to the station. I went with him and called my family to tell them that I would be late. They talked about the best course of action and what he should do next.

When the dust settled everything changed. Mark left to be with his uncle on the other side of the town. His mother and father were hauled away. Mark now wears short sleeves and no glasses. I set him free just as he did for me.

When we accept people, we as people can make a change together, you never know what another has seen, so always offer a smile and a hand.