Wallflower

WATERFALL

After a while, the hurt hurts less. I start to see the reason, understand why they did what they did. Knowing that it takes two hands to clap. Learn, that not everyone you meet will stay in your life anymore. Sometimes, they're a passing character in a chapter of your book. There to teach you a certain lesson, to help you experience different things in life - different emotions, to grow, and maybe to show you how to love yourself better. Find your worth, they said.

Some of these characters will be difficult to replace when their time has come to an end in a chapter of your life. But, it is important to learn and to see the necessity to let them go, even if you don't want to.

At the beginning, it will hurt. It's the kind of hurt that will leave you crying till you fall asleep at 3 am, puffy eyes, nose blocked and swollen. The kind of hurt that follows you everywhere - reminding me of the memories you had once shared at particular places I pass by. The hurt that leaves you thinking that if ever you meant anything to them. Heartbreak is inevitable, especially with the people you love. But if its one thing I've learned; you cannot have expectations.

You can't expect them to love you back the same way you love them, with the same amount of intensity, and that my friend is the sad truth. The way you love someone - that does not determine the way that person is going to love you back. You can have multiple connections with people, but that does not necessarily mean that they are meant to you, and darling, its the same with love. This applies to both friendships and relationships, as we hate to admit it.

The hardest part about losing someone you love is not the goodbye, rather than learning to live without them. And what fuels the hurt is when you see how they're able to move on without you. But can you blame them? Honestly, you can't. My momma always said "if you really love that person, you will want them to be happy. Even if it means that they're gonna be happy without you, you will respect that and let them go. Because you want them to be happy." 

But what if I don't want to let them go? Would you rather be happy with someone, but that person does not feel the same kind of happiness with you? That bothered me, a lot honestly. The one thing people crave, it's love and being valued. However, when you look for love, to find that healing to fill that void they've left - I have found that it never really works out. It's not purely genuine? I feel it's more of a forced connection because you want to fill that void, you cave that rug and rush called "love" because it's a beautiful feeling. However, the best kind of love, something that I find the purest, is unexpected love. Because you're not looking for something, you're not looking for healing. Sometimes, through the people we meet, we find healing. And the world doesn't seem that bitter after all.

They help you get back onto your feet, but you're much stronger now. Stronger than before, aware. Aware of how love can be fragile and pure yet it has the power to break, shatter and destroy. Wiser, as to who you allow yourself to love.

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"And like the moon, we must go through phases of emptiness to feel full again".

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This is me accepting that sometimes beautiful things end. This is me understanding that there is nothing I can say, or do, or to fix that. This is me coming  to terms with the fact that sometimes leaving is an act of love, too. That sometimes you have to walk away from something soft and hauntingly real, that sometimes hearts don't align.

But this is me accepting that endings don't have to be messy. This is me understanding how incredible it really is - that for a moment in time, in a world of billions, two strangers were in the wrong time, and something transpired between them.

This is my heart swelling with the thought - that at one point in time, we were the lucky ones. At one point in time, we beat the odds.