when in rome | ethan

nineteen

i opened the door, mia standing there with a big smile on her face. she's holding a large lulu lemon bag filled with snacks and drinks.

"i hate you." i joke, walking away from the front door. she just laughs, walking in and and taking all her winter stuff off. shutting the door and setting her bag down, she turns towards me again.

sighing, she says, "you love me." her hands on her hips. i roll my eyes in a playful manner before running up the stairs, mia following behind me.

i swing the door open to my bedroom, aria and isabelle already in there snacking while waiting for us. "there you are! about time." izzy says as mia enters the room.

"sorry," she says, "the weather is crazy right now." she dumps the food onto the floor next to where aria sits.

laying on my bed, i prop my elbows up onto it. "ouuu, you brought sweet tea!" i say, quickly grabbing it and opening it getting ready to sip.

"have you talked to him yet?" mia whispers to me as aria and isabelle talk about the different kinds of junk food on the floor.

i hesitate, "not really."

she took a bite out of a cookie. with her mouth full, her eyebrows raise, "what? you said you'd talk to him at the friendsmas!"

"well, thanks to you gift i never really got around to that." i say through my teeth.

"what happened?" isabelle asked, opening a bag of chips.

"i gave cass a christmas present." mia explains.

"oh cute. what was it?" aria questions.

"lingerie." mia chuckles, finding it funny.

i rolled my eyes, "mia told me it was for my eyes only so i went to open it upstairs in ethan's bedroom."

"why would you open it in his bedroom?" aria asks, confused.

"the bathroom was occupied." i say in a duh tone. "anyway so i'm opening it and then he comes in, sees that i have it, tells me i'd look good in it-"

out of the corner of my eye, isabelle's mouth drops, a smile on her face as she covered it.

"and then... we.. made out.." i tell them, my face pink. "so. technically i talked to him," i tell mia directly, "just.. without the talking."

she flips around, laying on the bed on her back, "well, it's good to have that relationship where you can be yourself and have fun all the time. but eventually, you're gonna have to.. you know. talk about stuff."

i sighed, "yeah.. i know."

"don't stress too much about it," aria says, "maybe he's just waiting for the right time before he asks you out again. maybe he needs to make sure you feel the same way before he moves any further."

"yeah, there so many reasons as to why he isn't rushing things. i mean, come on. you two just got out of your previous relationship. and besides, you broke up with him. he's definitely trying to figure out if you still love him." isabelle explains.

"i just don't understand. i thought he'd know by now. i mean.. i slept with him back in rome." i admit.

"sex doesn't always mean love!" mia exclaims.

i furrowed my brows, "you have sex with grayson all the time?" i say, in almost a question kind of way.

"yeah. but i mean... i don't love him." she says.

we all look at her wide eyed. this girl has shown so much affection and to think she'd say that has never crossed my mind.

she notices our expressions, her eyes going wide also, "no, no, no! i mean i really really like him but love is wayyy to soon, guys." she chuckles.

"at least you guys are getting it. alex haven't even tried to make a move. all we do is make out." isabelle says.

"we were in rome for a month and a half. i'm pretty sure he's just taking it slow." aria chuckles at isabelle.

"what about you aria? how're you and noah?" mia asks, turning back around to her belly where she holds her head up with her hands.

"oh um," she chuckles, "we're nothing serious. we just fuck. a lot." she said so casually.

"hm." i say. "you know, i honestly wasn't expecting it. you two would make a cute couple."

"nah. he doesn't want to commit, and honestly.. i'm fine with it. cause you know, even though we'll never actually be together, i get to experience at least something with him." she admits.

"you like him," isabelle says, "don't you?"

she shrugged, "it's not like it would matter anyways." pulling her knees up to her chest, she continues. "one sided loves are the worst. i'm not ready for that."

"yeah.." i mumbled. one sided love. how much that would hurt to be in that position. i wonder.. if ethan had felt that way. i broke up with him and i convinced myself that i fell out of love. because i ended it, i don't think he quite did.

so maybe... just maybe. he was hurting and i never saw it.

gosh that makes me feel so guilty. i have trouble reading people's feelings. especially when they're super good at hiding it. like ethan.

"should you talk to him?" mia asks, cautiously.

aria shakes her head, "if i tell him i like him, then it's over for me." she explains, "i think we've convinced ourselves so much that we're only in it for the sex. that no feelings would ever be involved. i mean, the first day of rome, on the plane, we fucked! it's actually gross."

"ohhh," i nodded, looking over at mia, "now i see."

"yeah. so basically im fucked. literally." aria says, munching on a chip.

we share laughs, including aria. "you guys ready to start?" i asked, propping myself up so sit criss cross on the bed.

they nod as i turned on the tv in my room. scrolling through netflix, i click on stranger things getting ready to binge watch.

"oh my god, i have waited way too long for this." mia says, grabbing a tub of ice cream and opening it.

you know, i'm so very grateful. i'm in a perfect area of life right now. i have the best friends in the world with me now as we binge watch a new season of stranger things, i'm in love with a great guy who probably feels the same, and i'm on good terms with my family.

i now know how my friends feel about their love lives when they've been hiding it just like i have been throughout the whole trip.

i pity aria. i wish for her to find love for i know how much she wants it. and i wish for isabelle to keep her relationship though trust and understanding one another. i wish for mia to grow her's with grayson and they live and love happily.

but.. what do i wish for me?

well.. i wish to move to europe. maybe pursue a writing career there. i wish to keep all my friends through adulthood. i want happiness all around. and i want to inspire people through my writing.

but most importantly, i wish to tell ethan how i feel, hoping he'd feel the same.

END OF CHAPTER NINETEEN

this chapter kinda is here to just explain how cassandra's friends are doing with their love lives. and it explains her wishes for not only herself but her bestfriends also.

two chapters within the span of a couple hours. how impressive man.

these chapters were back to back. right as i finished chapter 18 i immediately began writing chapter 19. and although that has happened before, i've never published the second one. but today we make history y'all. lol

PEACE