525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear...
*Tonys pov*
Standing there in utter shock looking at the coffin as the preacher talked about him and how he lived a full but short life. Zach was my everything...my whole world...and now he is gone. I blame myself for everything, the fight we had minutes before he stormed out of the house and into the blizzard outside. I keep thinking if I had stopped him he would still be here.
Ross Lynch, my best friend, told me that I can't blame myself over this, but I do. When he found out about Zach's death he came back from L.A. as fast as he could. He hasn't left my side since he showed up. Not even when I shower. He sits on the floor until I get out. I think he's worried I might do something to hurt myself. I'm not like that, I never have been.
The service has been going on for three hours now. I've barely paid attention between crying on Ross' shoulder and wishing to speak with Zach one last time, so I can say I'm sorry about the stupid fight and to tell him how much I love him one last time, to feel his presence, to feel his warm welcoming embrace. I'll never get to hear his voice again, I hope I never forget it. The softness he spoke with even when he was mad it was reassuring to know he could be so understanding. I look over at Ross.
"I need to get out of here." I whisper as I get up and walk outside gasping for air.
"Tony," Ross called as he chased down the sidewalk, "wait up. Talk to me...I know it's hard to, but I don't want you to bottle it all up."
Ross pulled me into his arms and all I could do is sob. I didn't even notice Zach's mom, Laura, and his little sister, Tiffany, walk up behind me. Laura wrapped her arms around both Ross and I.
"Thank you both for being here, you guys were Zach's closest friends." She said wiping the tears from her eyes. It made me cry harder.
Ross nodded and started to speak and he was at a loss for words. He managed to say how important Zach was to us and how we were inseparable. Laura smiled for the first time in four days, even though it was brief you could tell that she was touched by what Ross had said.
"Mom, they're ready to go to the burial site." Tiffany said and Laura pulled her daughter close and walked away. That was the last time either of us ever saw Laura.
Ross lead me to his car and opened my door letting me in, then he got in the driver seat. I stared out the window for what seemed like forever not saying anything, my head ached from crying and I felt mentally exhausted. I couldn't imagine how things would play out in everyone's lives now that Zach was gone, all we had left were memories and photos of our best moments together.
*Ross pov*
I sit in the driver seat and take Tony's hand. I can't even begin to understand what he's feeling right now. We all lost Zach, but he's taking it the hardest because he still blames himself for not chasing Zach into the street that night. Had he done that I'm sure I wouldn't have come home for one funeral this week, but two. I've had a secret since I came home and if I let it out everything would fall apart.
I've held myself together in front of Tony doing my best to help him though this. The only time I really cried was when the realization hit me, which was almost instantaneous. I took every picture of Zach he had and put them all in a box under his bed. I figured that it'd be easier for him to be here if he didn't have to see Zach everyday to remind him of what a perfect partner he lost.
"Tony, look at me please?" I asked and he slowly looked up at me.
"You should come to L.A. with me for a few weeks. Come see mom & dad and the rest of the gang. I'm sure they miss you." I said taking my hand and rubbing the back of his head the way I used to when I still lived here. It relaxed his mind and body when I rubbed his head like this.
"Ok, I'll go, but only if you can promise me something." He said rubbing his red dry eyes.
"Sure, anything you want is yours." I said to him.
"I get to bunk with you and not Riker this time. He doesn't cuddle he kicks and I don't want to be kicked when I'm down." He said.
"That's fine." I said softly before kissing his forehead.
Today has already been long and with the grave site memoral it was going to be that much longer. I just wanted to take Tony home where he could rest, but I knew I couldnt do that until Zach was laid to rest.
"Do you think if I had chased Zach out I'd have been able to stop this?" Tony asked.
"No, I'd have been here without both of you guys. I wouldn't be here with you, I'd have lost both you and Zach." I replied as we followed the other cars in the procession.
*Tony's pov*
A song faintly played on the radio and I went into a daze. And I started to daydream about things and singing in my mind.
Loving and fighting
Accusing, uniting
I can't imagine a world with you gone
The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of
I'd be so lost if you left me alone
You locked yourself in the bathroom
Lying on the floor when I break through
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat
Can you hear me screaming "please don't leave me"
Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Hold on, I still need you
A long endless highway, you're silent beside me
Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from
Helplessly praying, the light isn't fadin'
Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones
They took you away on a table
I pace back and forth as you lay still
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat
Can you hear me screaming, "please don't leave me"
Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Hold on, I still need you
I don't wanna let go
I know I'm not that strong
I just wanna hear you
Saying baby, let's go home
Let's go home
Yeah, I just wanna take you home
Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
