Ronald was sitting with his friends Hamburglar and Birdie outside of McDonald's one afternoon. They had just returned from a fascinating adventure in McDonaldland, where Ronald and Birdie helped Grimace escape the wrath of Hamburglar. Hamburglar has presumably learned his lesson. Ronald had been talking down to him all morning, and he figured he would eventually get back at him. They sat patiently awaiting the return of their big purple gumdrop friend who had went to fetch a gift for Birdie's birthday. He did not tell them all this, but told them instead that he had to use the bathroom, and he only felt comfortable using his bathroom at home.
The friends sat in silence, with Hamburglar in a gloomier mood than the rest. Birdie and Ronald had really bonded on this day, as Hamburglar always wished he could have. They exchanged gleeful glances and even held hands while sitting at the outdoor table. The thoughts drove him batty.
"Grimace eats toenails," spat Hamburglar.
Ronald flipped his head to Hamburglar, his brow risen and his wig trembling. "What was that?"
"Grimance eats toenails!" Hamburglar repeated sternly.
Ronald's brow lowered to furrow. "Hamburglar! We don't start rumors about our friends!"
"I wouldn't say it if it weren't true."
Birdie witnessed this in shock and horror. She wished Grimace would hurry, in hopes that he would arrive before this developed into a larger issue.
"Now Hamburglar, I know you've been having some issues with our dear friend Grimace lately, but you'll be happy to know he would much rather drink a delicious McDonald's milkshake than eat anybody's toenails". Ronald's big dick energy was shining through this moment.
"Where do you think he gets all the experience slurpin' them shakes?" asked Hamburglar, "He sucks toes, Ronald."
Birdie whipped out her 2005 Nokia flip phone with a fluffy key-chain attached from the breast pocket of her bright pink jumper. She had Grimace on speed dial. She looked down at the screen as the two continued to bicker and swung her feet, scuffing the concrete.
"I have taught you nothing if not that rest and rehabilitation is the best path for a criminal to return to society. Your slander is not progress. You are not excused from the integration process for being forgiven. I should not have let you see the light of day, hoodlum. I should have seen you to the streets, they said. But I had mercy for you, scoundrel, and that is why you feast among the people. May you find it in your heart to repent your faults and return to us anew". Ronald made beaming eye contact.
"Okay, queeftard," spat Hamburglar.
At this moment, Grimace entered the scene with a wonderfully wrapped gift for Birdie, a big pink square box with a bow and her name on a gift tag. Excited, Birdie rose to embrace Grimace, but was interrupted by a fierce Hamburglar.
"What is it, toenails? Did you steal somebody's toenails to give Birdie on her birthday?"
Birdie and Grimace looked on in shock. "Admit it. You're facinated with toes, Grimace. I've seen your house. Why have you got a sock drawer with no socks? Why have you got shoes but not the feet to fit them? Are you envious of your superiors for having evolutionary foot fingers? ...or is it something else?"
Grimace began to cry. He could not believe the call out. Birdie coddled him.
Ronald scowled in disgust. "I can't believe you and your filthy rumors. You are childish."
"I've been 5 feet tall my entire life."
"Do not sass me, young man."
"I'm 47, Ronald," Hamburglar pleaded. He did not look, sound, or smell like a 47 year old man. Ronald sprung from his seat, hands slamming the table. He snatched Birdie and Grimace by their wigs (or in Grimace's case, his mad dome) and dragged them into the Mcdonalds with the same angry scowl he held for Hamburglar. Hamburglar did try to follow, only to have the door slammed in his face. Ronald released his friends and quickly locked the door, leaving Hamburglar outside burgerless. The three turned and walked to the McDonalds counter as Hamburglar fell to his knees in a great plea. It started to rain. He began to cry.
"Toenail eating sons of bitches..."
