Choking on Diamonds

Twenty Four

Please read my latest post on my message board, it's extremely important.

"I forgot my juul at home and my mid day cravings are hitting right about now. This lab period is going to be a nightmare."

I rolled my eyes as I fished my green notebook out of my black backpack, plopping it on the black lab table top. The bell had yet to ring and our teacher had still not appeared from the halls. Luke was notably absent today alongside Duke and Morgan. Hunter was in his usual seat across the room in the front right table with Dave while Syd and I were in the second row on the far left near the door. I hadn't talked to Hunter in two days and I had no intention of doing so. He didn't respect my choices so I didn't need him in my life. Thankfully our seats had stayed the same so I wouldn't have to work with him. BC Physics wasn't the most popular elective and our small class of thirteen, which was uncharacteristically small for my large school.

"Maybe if you quit, you wouldn't have that problem," I hummed under my breath while checking my homework in the notes section of my phone. This was my last class before my free periods but sadly it was a double period today.

"Yeah well if you didn't have a sister you wouldn't have half your problems but we can't change that either," Syd retorted in her usual cynical tone, easing her face against her fist lazily on my right. Her deep eyes scanning the room before landing on Eddy in front of us.

"Kishmarski, you got Kelly?"

The black haired polish boy turned around, reaching into his pocket begrudgingly. "You better have me next time for payback," he told her while leaning back in his stool and handing her the small black device with a closed fist.

"When don't I?" Syd asked rhetorically, taking a rip in her open backpack on the desk and fanning the smoke away quickly when she exhaled. I looked away as to pretend not to be involved when she did it a second time.

My attention landed on Hunter as he stood from his oak colored stood with his sleek black phone in his large hand, already walking towards Syd and I as she stealthily shoved the juul, or 'Kelly' as Ed called it, back into Eddy's hand. "Incoming," Syd muttered teasingly while nodding at Hunter. For once, Hunter didn't offer a friendly gesture back as he leaned his arms on the table top, his biceps flexing in front of me.

"Have you heard about Duke?" He spoke in a hushed voice, Syd standing from her stool to huddle in at my right. I was shocked he was speaking to me, but that could only mean something bad had happened. He wasn't the type to give up on a grudge or back down first.

"No. What happened?" I asked worriedly, my stomach sinking automatically. Could he really fuck me over any more? Was it selfish that was my first response?

"He overdosed last night," Hunter whispered, his minty gum flavored breath fanning the side of my face lightly. "I don't know if it was accidental or not but Morgan found his prepared suicide note on his drive."

My heart stopped. you might think hearing that someone committed suicide that you barely knew didn't affect you and maybe it wouldn't. But I think it's some level when it's someone you've gone to school with your entire life it hit you in the way that nothing else does. To know that someone around you was in so much pain and no one could do anything to help them hurt. We all know people are depressed, Hell my best friends are some of those people but, they might hurt themselves but they've never taken that actual step. It's almost an eye-opener.

Even if I didn't know Duke and even if I wasn't surprised, which I'm not, it would still stop my heart and pause my breath because even if we know the reality it's sometimes hard to believe how close it is to us. I don't know why Duke did what he did or what he was possibly thinking in that moment. There's probably nothing I could've done to stop that pain but it doesn't stop everyone around him from feeling guilty no matter how innocent or culpable  they are.