Sentry of the Arcane: Engulfed

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Sophie

Anger bubbles so violently within me that I almost have to turn around to my room with the bile slowly crawling up my throat. Tears blur my vision as I shake my head, forcing myself into the elevator. I clench my fists so tightly that I wince at the sharp pain of my nails cutting into my palms. "Who is Fitz to tell me to wait?" I voice out loud, finally externalising my emotions. Hurt pounds against my heart as I sink lower and lower, reaching the ground floor after a few painful moments.

When the doors open, I stumble out, suddenly wanting to attack something. Whirling around, I pound my closed fists against the closed metal doors. Tears now streem down my face freely as I slam my hands against the cool wall of metal, falling into a hole of anguish far worse than others I've fallen down into. A sob escapes my lips as I slow down and eventually let my bruised hands slide down and stay at my side limply.

"I hate this," I choke out between sobs. Stepping forward, I lay my head against the doors, focusing on the cool sensation of metal to skin instead of the whirlpool of thoughts in my head. At this point, my hands throb slightly from my.... moment. Taking in a few deep breaths, I gently wipe away the tear stains on my face, gasping for air.

"Sophie?"

I whirl around to see Steven staring at me with a sympathetic look on his face. His eyes soften more when I silently wipe at my face, merely praying that he doesn't comment on it. Instead, he stretches his arms out, still quiet. Even though it all, he stays silent, merely looking at me as the currently hurting girl that I am.

Fresh tears well up in my eyes, and a choked-up sob escapes my lips as I rush towards him, hugging him tightly. I cry even harder when the pathologist returns my hug, an unspoken understanding between the two of us lingering in the air. Guilt reminds me that I'm soaking Steven's clothes and bothering him, but I don't let go. "I hate him," I breathe out, my whisper quivering as I try to take a deep breath.

"Shh," the pathologist coos, rubbing the back of my head, "no, you don't."

I close my eyes tightly, knowing that he's fully correct. Another fit of crying takes over, and I sob even harder, "No, I don't."

"It's hard," Steven continues, giving me a moment to catch my breath. "But just wait a little longer. Remember that he'd do the same for you."

I sigh, tears now silently rolling down my cheeks. Once again, he's right. It hurts to let them win for a bit longer, but I can manage one way or the other. Closing my eyes again, I hug him a bit tighter, "...okay."

...

After that, the rest of the day is a blur. Fitz and I don't see each other much after the whole ordeal, which in turn raises concern from the Altruistics and Sovereigns. The longer I stay up, I realise that my eyes burn from crying earlier, and my eyelids weigh down on itself from exhaustion. Before anyone can question me, I bid everyone good night and good luck for the trial, which everyone solemnly accepts. Then I slip away from the rest, secretly grateful that I'm alone.

Once I'm on my floor, I quickly step out, unaware of my surroundings. My hand brushes someone else's as I exit and as they step onto the elevator, and I stop. And by the sound of it, he's stopped as well, and both our breathing hitched. Neither of us dare to move, to breathe, or to blink in that moment. My heart races wildly as my eyes begin to betray me, new tears welling up in my eyes. I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my head, yet I refuse to meet them.

A few more seconds tick by before we both hear the elevator ding, followed by the automatic sliding of the metal doors. My body tenses as I feel the urge to turn around, my fists clenching tightly. I sigh when the doors close, heavier than usual. Now alone in the hallway, I almost turn around and go back to the others, despite wanting to be in this exact scenario a few minutes ago. Shaking my head, I make my way to my room, ignoring the droplets of water streaming down my face.