Raising Laila

Chapter 31 - Safe

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there is no more important work human hands can do than to hold a child with a fierce tenderness that says in a way that words never can, you are loved, you are safe, you can trust

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April 25, 2018: 11.25am. 

Jade pulled Laila's pink initialed luggage case down from the top of her wardrobe and laid it across her bed ready to be packed. 

They were off on tour again. 

The second half of the sold out Glory Days Tour, some UK and some European dates, it would finish just before Laila's seventh birthday during the second week of July. Just in time for the extravagant mermaid party Jade was creating. (with just a little help from a kids party planner) 

Jade looked across the upstairs of her house, feeling her legs tingle with excitement at the sight of the packed bags she had just moved from her bedroom, ready to go when the car arrived for them the next morning. She had packed two of Laila's clothes bags but had left her toys to the last minute. 

"Laila! Come up and help me pack your case!" Jade called down as the child hopped up the stairs. The smile dropping instantly from her face as she saw the bags packed and Jade stood at the entrance of her princess bedroom. 

Jade's bags induced excitement as typically packed suitcases did, sights of hotels, beaches, tour buses and airports. But very rarely do packed bags induce terror. 

"NOOO!" Laila shrieked, frantically attempting to unzip one of her bags with her tiny shaking hands, throwing clothes and blankets in all directions before maniacally dropping her 40 pound body backward and slamming her head on the wooden panels several times with full intention. 

All before Jade could even realise what was going on. 

Stunned at the power and intensity of her fear and fury Jade quickly picked her up and attempted to hold her. 

Jade thought she had explained what was going on, but seeing the packed bags had brought it all barreling back. The times when the small child had been shuttled between homes with her packed suitcase, developing all the qualities of post traumatic stress disorder. Seeing the packed bags entirely undid her. 

She thought she had been good. She got all her stickers and an ice cream date. Jade had promised. Promised she was going to look after her forever. And Laila had just started to believe her. 

"Laila, calm down. What's going on?" Jade asked desperately as Laila thrashed, wailed, howled and head butted her frantically. 

"NO GO!" Laila screamed tipping the half empty suitcase over with her flailing feet. 

"Laila, we're going on tour. I'm staying with you, just like we did before. We'll have lots of fun, and see the girls, and lots of new places," Jade explained. 

"NO! I like it here!!" Laila yelled. 

"Laila, we'll come back here. After the tour, just before your birthday party," Jade said, but her reassuring fell on deaf ears as Laila continued to sob convinced that she was being sent away. 

Jade explained again and again in every way she possibly could for the rest of the day. She showed her pictures and videos of the previous time they had been away. She explained the fun to be had, the fact that they'd be sleeping in the same room, and it's impermanence. 

But while the tears eventually stopped, Laila wouldn't look Jade in the eyes. She avoided her like the plague. Deciding if Jade didn't want her, then Laila didn't want Jade either. She put her to bed, with the offer to share Jade's king sized that was declined immediately, she'd rather sleep alone.