Tears Turned to Ink

half a decade - part two

"It's been a long day without you my friend. And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again." I cried so much when the ending scene of that movie came. It felt as if the song was made for me in that moment, which is understandable: a song dedicated to a friend (maybe best friend of the cast) that left them too soon.

I can't believe it's already been half a decade already. Five years. One thousand, eight hundred and twenty six days. And I can count on one hand how many times I've gone and visit you. But the nights I've cried myself to sleep since that day are as infinite as the stars in the universe.

You were my best friend. Still are, to be honest. How do I know? Because as soon as something remotely good or bad happens, I just get the urge to text you and tell you all about it.

You were there since day one. I think we learned how to walk side by side, and when the BabyBorns turned to Barbies, and the Barbies turned to afternoons singing our hearts out to SingStar or dancing it out to JustDance. Do you remember begging to our parents for five more minutes together? All of this memories together, until one day it all stopped.

Suddenly, no more afternoons at the cinema, or lunch at either of our houses. No more walks with Fox and White, and no more laughs until I got abs or tears sprung.

Now the tears stream down for other reasons. I wish you were here to talk. Every single day. But I don't cry as hard anymore. My heart doesn't sink as fast or as low. But I don't laugh as hard, and I don't smile as bright. I have new friends from university, who I've come to love just as much as my school friends, but no one will ever be in the same level as you.

Maybe I'm idealising our friendship; after all, my memory is not very reliable. Pair it with how nostalgic I am, and bam, you've got yourself too many what ifs and enough regret to last me a thousand lifetimes. But what I do know for sure is that you were there to make me laugh like no one had; and you didn't dry my tears, but instead let me get it all out without ever judging me. After all, crying never made me weak, and never would, so why be ashamed to show that I care?

My sisters and my mum are going to see your family today, and as usual I'm not going to be there. Don't get mad please. I know I'm not the best friend because of it, but please don't get mad.

I should've said this as much as you did, but I love you so, so much. But as John Green said, you can love someone so much... but you can never love people as much as you can miss them.

I don't know how I've managed to spend five years without you, and for that matter how I'm going to spend the rest of my life without my best friend.

Without my sister. From another mister, that is.

I love you sis, and know that if I could change the past, I would in a heartbeat.