All You Need To Know About Me

Introduction

My story is as normal as any other story would be. I grew with both of my parents and two brothers. Although, I was the only daughter, I didn't struggle being girly. What I discovered instead was that being a girl was viewed as someone who needed to be protected. My dad did whatever it took to prevent me from being harmed from the world. Which lead to him heavily restricting me from befriending boys and being on social media. Back then, I thought it was unfair that he kept me at such a closed leash. It made it seem like being a girl was a terrible thing. But it isn't. I never fully saw myself as a girl. Playing dress up, playing with dolls, and cooking with fake equipment was what was thrown right in front of me. But I wonder what would have happened if that weren't the case. Would I still had dressed up as princesses? Or would I had dressed as a boy? 

I was categorized as a "tom-boy" as a kid. I didn't understand the term back then. It made no sense to me because clearly, from what I was taught, I couldn't be a boy. I always had some interest in what the boys did. I wanted to be into video games and have fun. But, as always, the girl gets left out. My dad did encourage me to play video games though. The first ever console I played on was the PS2. We had the setup in the living room near the kitchen on a big box TV. He would bring my brother and I to blockbuster and pick out games we were interested in. And of course, don't tell, we had the software where it would download the game and keep it stored on a disc. We would do it every week with new games and it was loads of games stored into that disc. It was plenty of fun and you never got bored. But even back then, I never really enjoyed video games as much as my little brother did. He would hog it to himself and not share. Eventually, we did get a Wii for us to share, and then another one for each one of us. 

I still wasn't into video games as much as my brother was. I really tried. I played as many Wii games as I got my hands on. But nothing sparked my interest as much as the DS did. I played my fair share of pokemon games and others on it. I did eventually have to give those up due to my behavior in my pre-teens. 

As I got older, the more I noticed that my dad's hold on me tightened. He didn't want me to travel down the wrong path. I didn't feel like I would. But in some way, I did. I went on social media, against his wishes. Those were the roughest times since my dad really didn't want me on them. Once he found out, he punished me for it. And even though I was punished, I still had that curiosity in me. There was something that felt missing in my life. I wonder if my life would had been a bit better if I had just listened to him. But at the same time, I figured out the hard way that social media isn't safe for kids like me at that time. I also figured out a part of my identity that way. 

My childhood as a whole was something I hated. I felt like I was the black sheep of the family. I was interested in playing music, drawing, writing stories and poetry. Things that clearly my family wasn't interested in. I was the outsider compared to them all. And I don't hate that all that much. I'm unique to who I am. My life is my life. And maybe you'll understand it a bit more after these chapters.