The Right Way to Offer a Sacrifice to The River God

Marry A Chicken, Follow The Chicken; Marry A Dog, Follow the Dog (娶鸡随鸡，娶狗随狗)

Translator: Kyo576 (Formerly known as Foreverhungry)
Editor: Sleepy Fox

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01

The Village Elders kept having nightmares recently.

They dreamt that the River God of the large river near their village wanted to take a bride, and if he didn't, then he would create a flood.

The villagers used the method of drawing straws and picked out a young girl. They then chose an auspicious time and date to dress up the endlessly weeping girl to look like a bride, before sending her off towards the River God's temple while striking gongs and beating drums.

———–

02

The bride waited in the temple with a heart filled with dread, the one who appeared as she waited, however, was a youth from the same village.

His name was Liu Qi. Ever since he was young, he had resolved himself to be a chivalrous hero that would uphold the virtuous and condemn the evil. He had learned a few moves from a Higher Person who was borrowing accommodations from their village, and now no one in the village could defeat him.

Liu Qi handed the bride some dried rations and clothes, then asked her to hide behind a stone to change so she could quickly escape.

The bride did not dare to leave and cried in protest, "If the River God does not marry a bride, he would drown the whole village!"

Liu Qi clenched his fist so tightly there was a 'ka-ba' sound, "What kind of dog poop is this River God? If he really dares appear, I'll beat him to death."

———–

03

In the end, the bride ran away. Liu Qi put on the wedding robes on himself and waited for the River God with a harpoon in hand.

Not long later, the river started to look as if it was boiling over. The water then split into two, revealing a road on the river bottom where not a single drop of water remained. A male wearing wedding robes walked up from below the water, he was extremely handsome and looked to be full of joy.

"You are the River God?"

The River God cupped his hands in greeting, "This small one is Bai Chuan."

"My name is Liu Qi," Liu Qi replied as he weighed the harpoon in his hands.

Bai Chuan had a look of yearning as he tiptoed towards the back of Liu Qi, looking around carefully, "Cough... Where is my bride?"

Liu Qi pointed at himself as he haughtily replied, "It's me."

Bai Chuan rubbed his eyes before he asked, "...Has this one turned blind? You look like you're a male."

"Who set rules that said males cannot be brides?"

Bai Chuan was genteel and bookish as he carefully phrased his words, "A bride is a bride, of course, it's a female. If it was a male, then that would be a male-bride."

T/N: It's a pun lost in translation, basically the author used 新娘 and 新爹, where the literal translation of bride means 'new mother' and male-bride means 'new father'

"Precisely, I am your male-bride."

Bai Chuan: ...

———–

04

Bai Chuan sized up Liu Qi and had a face of unhappiness, "I don't want you. I want a bride."